Two Steps Back

Well, I caved and returned to Facebook.  Lots going on with my children that I was out of the loop on. Why? Because Facebook has replaced other forms of communication. I learned that solidly in my year and a half hiatus from it. People just don't take the time to stay in touch any other way anymore. So much easier to  "see" what people have been up to, and one can be completely covert and voyeuristic in doing so. No need to say or do anything-just peek right into someone's life. Do I sound sarcastic? I hope so. 

Although it's a relief to be more closely connected to a couple of my children who eschew old school communication, I regret the fact that I am back in the muck and mire and general nonsense that's involved. My friends list is trimmed down, and I do so love many of them. But the fact remains- a growing number of people don't care about maintaining contact unless it's through Facebook. Emailing is a thing of the past for many, and forget about phone calls. Texts suit most people just fine. We are becoming watchers, not participants. I find it all a bit creepy, but then I am of another era. I still write cards, and love handwritten communication. I'm no Luddite, either. I've been communicating via computer since the early 90's, and my last job on the mainland was at an ISP.

My cave-in occurred about a week ago. Many days had passed since I'd had an update from my eldest child, my son. His life has been a lot like a meat grinder lately, and I get concerned, especially being across the sea. All I had to do was get back onto Facebook, and voila-conversation was immediately possible. This is a must, since we've been planning his escape from the Bay Area for a while. After 7 years of working and living there, he is about to jump ship. 7 years have brought a lot of change to that region, and most of it is negative. Especially if you're not a real estate magnate, start-up entrepreneur, or vapid techie. It's all over for the regular folks like me, who just happened to be born and raised there. Older daughter wants out as well, though not to Hawaii, yet. Probably to Santa Cruz county initially. But I digress... My son will be here soon. We both are thrilled and look forward to helping him decompress, wind down, regroup and rethink his life. We truly welcome the chance to have this time with him. He needs us, even though he is 32 years old. So what? He is my own flesh and blood until I breathe my last breath. Nobody is done growing and learning at 32, no matter what they say. Hopefully, one is growing and learning all of their lives. They should be! 

This opportunity for my son would never, ever have been an option with my own parents. Not when I wanted to get away from the Tahoe party life and go to college, or when I had my face pummeled by someone who claimed to love me, never did my family open their arms or their home to the younger me. Sometimes our children need a little emotional support in this life, and I haven't lost sight of that.

Do you ever wonder why some people had children in the first place? I do. I mean, I know why it happens... But why bother, if all you do is make them feel like they are burdensome disappointments throughout? My kids are this life's one true gift, and the primary reason I climb out of bed every day. They will never be made to feel otherwise, as I was.

I'll even put up with Facebook, if it means staying connected to my beloved family.

So Long, Social Media!

Today, we will drive to Honoka'a to shop and run errands.  While there, I will bring my laptop into the library. (The library in our town  is closed for re-roofing until sometime in August.)  My purpose will be to delete my Twitter account.  This was to occur sooner, but Twitter doesn't allow you to delete accounts via cell phone. The nerve.

I started that account in June of 2008. Which means we had just moved from our cozy shack in Mendocino to a larger place in Fort Bragg.  My youngest child was struggling emotionally and wreaking havoc most every day.  Many, many mornings, I cried on the way to work.  My father was a couple months away from his extreme descent, health-wise.  My love's father was still among the living, holding his own here in Hawaii.  This after feeling unwell for many months, which is why my love spent a month there in 2007, caring for him.  I worked for the school district in Mendocino, at an Internet service provider which they owned and operated... Where I worked for the best boss I have ever had, to this day.  The job itself was tolerable, though it never offered more than 25 hours per week... But the boss knew how to manage people with respect and efficiency.  It took a lifetime of employment to have that sort of positive work environment.

Anyway, by the next year, some things began to change drastically.  My father's health started declining rapidly.  My partner's father died suddenly one night in November.  That changed our perceived life path drastically, and here we are.

Regarding Twitter and Facebook, My outlook and views are now very different.  I do not require the same level of hand holding and encouragement I used to crave from Internet "friends."  Also, no longer do I believe that posting and retweeting items I find important will change anyone's mindset, much less the world.  These last five or so years have solidified that belief.  I find myself getting frustrated with humanity and the lack thereof far too much.  Since blowing up my Facebook page in January, I've had no desire to reanimate there.  I know it will be the same with Twitter, because it's become more tedious than fun.  

My ongoing quest is to be here.  Not hiding out in the internet ether. Every Twitter session equals weeds that aren't pulled, plants that aren't planted, and life not being truly lived.  I get far too drawn into it--and that is an unhealthy thing.  As for my blog, it stays.  It's been around for more than 8 years, and unlike the other platforms, it's personal.  I am not concerned by who reads or comments here.  It's for me, and perhaps for my offspring to peruse one day when I am gone.  My life and views have changed a great deal here on the blog as well, but this is more of a journal.   And I need to write.

UPDATE:  Account Deactivated!

Facebook Rehab

It's been a month since I deleted my Facebook account. Here are some observations...

First and foremost, I feel less overwhelmed/frustrated/agitated as time goes on. There were too many meaningless details in that world for my psyche to process. And most of those details had absolutely no bearing or impact on me personally. Yet there they were, all day, every day. From many people who would never think to call me on the phone, or send a letter. Since I speak to my 3 children regularly, I do not need Facebook to know what they're up to. The same can be said for my close friends--the ones I've known for decades. We communicate in other ways.

The thing that really clinched it for me was realizing that more than a hundred Facebook "friends" were observing my day to day happenings, and in some cases, I had never met them, or else we had not communicated since high school-or longer. And that made me feel strange. It wasn't that I had issues of any sort with these people, only that it felt creepy to share personal stuff with people I did not know.. Especially when they rarely, if ever commented or communicated. That felt like straight-up voyeurism, and there are countless lurkers out there, who want to read all about you, yet never share their own happenings.

Blogging is a better format for me. I generally think about what I want to post, rather than the stream-of-consciousness, share everything style of Facebook posting. My blog is an opportunity to write about what's happening, or express my opinions in a more edited and less in your face form. And it's kind of like a diary--a diary that now spans close to 8 years of my life.

The benefits of no more Facebook have been clear. Am reading books like I have not done in years, and am focusing on writing every day. I am less drawn away by the distractions, and able to be present in my new life here. I feel like my life is my own once again, and not public domain. My man notices the changes too, especially since he never submitted to Facebook. My father was on it for a time, until he deleted his account about 6 months before his death. He called to tell me that he was deleting it because he found it tedious, trite, and increasingly annoying. (He was never one to sugar-coat!) I am so thankful he did that, since there isn't much creepier than dead people's Facebook pages. Case in point? My man's now-deceased father's page. Where people STILL comment as though he is somehow seeing it. This despite the fact that he died over 3 years ago! Sigh...

I guess I just am not Facebook material, and am alright with this realization. Many I love enjoy it, so no judgement if you do as well.

What's New?

That's our now two-year-old kitty, checking you out. Taken by a visiting relative last month. Not much blogging happening these days. Could be a trend, could be a phase. The garden has been a wonderful thing. Too bad my camera isn't functional. I miss taking snapshots.

I joined something called boot camp. No, not the military. Don't really like the name, although it is appropriate. We meet three mornings a week on the beach. Serious work outs, in sand. Before work. Finishing my second month of this.

It's nearly autumn. I look forward to that, after another season of Winnebago's and their mostly clueless inhabitants. Youngest child got her first job this summer, and is handling it quite well. I still have a job, as does my man. We know how lucky we are.

Backed out of Burning Man. It's got to be right, and it wasn't. Maybe next year. Other than that, just fighting the dreaded Facebook time suck.

Whats New Pussycat? - Bob Marley & the Wailers