Wednesday

"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element.  It is my personal approach that creates the climate.  It is my daily mood that makes the weather.  I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous.  I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration; I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.  In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized.  If we treat people as they are, we make them worse.  If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming."

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"So Much Things to Say"

Really.  My trip to California and life in general have provided endless tales to tell, but little is shared here.

When I started Cozy Shack blog in 2005, everything was different.  Especially me.

I have noticed that I remain hesitant to be truthful/real here, because some readers may not appreciate my opinions and rants.  I am always a wimp about that sort of thing-heaven forbid that someone won't like me.

That's changing, thankfully.  Being a people pleaser all of my life has grown tiresome. I've done it here on the blog as well, hesitant to be honest

about topics that could potentially piss someone off.  Now that my dad is gone, I don't need to worry about his opinions anymore.  However, several other family members read here.  As do some old friends.  That can be tricky.  I am realizing more and more that if I truly want to write, I have to let go of my lifelong fears about what others may think.  Basically not give a fuck.

Maybe some day, I will have the courage to speak my truths here. And everywhere. 

Some Sage Advice

“Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary, does it improve upon the silence?”

Shirdi Sai Baba 

So Long, Social Media!

Today, we will drive to Honoka'a to shop and run errands.  While there, I will bring my laptop into the library. (The library in our town  is closed for re-roofing until sometime in August.)  My purpose will be to delete my Twitter account.  This was to occur sooner, but Twitter doesn't allow you to delete accounts via cell phone. The nerve.

I started that account in June of 2008. Which means we had just moved from our cozy shack in Mendocino to a larger place in Fort Bragg.  My youngest child was struggling emotionally and wreaking havoc most every day.  Many, many mornings, I cried on the way to work.  My father was a couple months away from his extreme descent, health-wise.  My love's father was still among the living, holding his own here in Hawaii.  This after feeling unwell for many months, which is why my love spent a month there in 2007, caring for him.  I worked for the school district in Mendocino, at an Internet service provider which they owned and operated... Where I worked for the best boss I have ever had, to this day.  The job itself was tolerable, though it never offered more than 25 hours per week... But the boss knew how to manage people with respect and efficiency.  It took a lifetime of employment to have that sort of positive work environment.

Anyway, by the next year, some things began to change drastically.  My father's health started declining rapidly.  My partner's father died suddenly one night in November.  That changed our perceived life path drastically, and here we are.

Regarding Twitter and Facebook, My outlook and views are now very different.  I do not require the same level of hand holding and encouragement I used to crave from Internet "friends."  Also, no longer do I believe that posting and retweeting items I find important will change anyone's mindset, much less the world.  These last five or so years have solidified that belief.  I find myself getting frustrated with humanity and the lack thereof far too much.  Since blowing up my Facebook page in January, I've had no desire to reanimate there.  I know it will be the same with Twitter, because it's become more tedious than fun.  

My ongoing quest is to be here.  Not hiding out in the internet ether. Every Twitter session equals weeds that aren't pulled, plants that aren't planted, and life not being truly lived.  I get far too drawn into it--and that is an unhealthy thing.  As for my blog, it stays.  It's been around for more than 8 years, and unlike the other platforms, it's personal.  I am not concerned by who reads or comments here.  It's for me, and perhaps for my offspring to peruse one day when I am gone.  My life and views have changed a great deal here on the blog as well, but this is more of a journal.   And I need to write.

UPDATE:  Account Deactivated!

Monday Monday

Respect and farewell, Richie Havens. As a matter of fact, I AM that old.

My heart is heavy today. Can't say why except that I rarely see where I fit into this wacky universe. Never have, honestly.

I try to blend in. Really I do. But I am ultimately the odd duck in most all situations. At least I am old enough to not give a damn.

I'm most comfortable with the misfits of the world... Misfit power!

Speaking of misfits, happy birthday to one of the coolest misfits ever, Charles Mingus.