Saturday, July 30, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
camp winnarainbow
on saturday, july 9th, my eldest daughter and i cruised up and over the mountain to get her little sister from camp winnarainbow, after her two weeks of folly there. she is a seasoned veteran now, after four summers. this camp is just amazing. it's been around for close to thirty years. wavy gravy is the man-in-charge. he is a part of early san francisco sub-culture, and prior to that, he was in greenwich village doing spoken-word stuff, back when dylan was just getting his start. in fact, dylan mentions his name in his book ("chronicles") which came out this year. his name back in the village days was hugh romney. after migrating to san francisco in the mid-sixties, he became wavy gravy the clown. he got that name, according to legend, at one of the early "tests" at longshoreman's hall in s.f. oh sure, he's a fun-loving dude, and has emceed many a musical event, including his most famous fifteen minutes of fame, when he spoke to the crowd at woodstock, announcing breakfast-for-all.
but beyond that, he and his wife jahanara have spent much of their collective lives together by enriching the lives of countless children, at their performing arts/circus camp in laytonville, california. oh sure, there are plenty of kids-of-hippies in attendance, but they also provide scholarships to lots of inner city children, many who have never been outside of their cities. so there is great diversity. the place itself is incredible. after turning off the highway, you wind your way down a dusty dirt road, across the creek, passing several of wavy's ancient school buses with "nobody for president" painted on the sides. everywhere there are ancient oak trees and manzanita. when you reach the parking area, you are greeted by a young counselor of the juggling variety. after parking and loading the stuff onto the transport-truck, you walk to the registration area where you sign in, and verify that all paperwork is complete. then it's across the creek and up a little hill, where you find rolling, grassy fields, trapezes and cloud-swings, shade-and-water stations for stilt-walkers, and "downtown camp." this consists of about 15 huge teepees, all in a circle. each teepee sleeps about 10 children and their counselors. all of them have "skylights", with a view of stars at night. there is a campfire circle in the middle of all the teepees, and the rainbow stage is nearby. there is also a massive costume tent, filled with anything you could imagine needing for a performance. and the kitchen tent, with it's long, welcoming tables out front. after fetching q's bags, etc. from the drop-off point and getting them into her teepee, we wandered around some, and met her counselors. there is always 1 adult counselor and several teen counselors for each teepee. many of the adults and teens were once campers themselves, as nobody ever seems to want to leave winnarainbow! you can be a kid camper there until you are 14, so next summer will be q's final year in that respect. however, she is thrilled at the idea of returning as a teen staff member. also close to camp is lake veronica, their own little lake, complete with a waterslide they purchased from the old marine world in redwood city, as well as several stationary rafts for relaxing, diving, and so on. this is a performing arts camp, in every sense of the word. the choices available are many. there is dance, singing, clowning, improv comedy, unicycling, stilt-walking, trapeze-flying, and on and on. all of the instructors are so well-trained, and incredible with the children. nobody is forced to try anything if they don't want to. it is such a self esteem-building place! there is also plenty of time for just having fun, as well as relaxing. you can write and fax your camper as often as you want, and send care packages, but no candy-they get treats and desserts regularly there. the food is always nourishing and fun. music is playing almost all the time-either live, by the counselors and kids, or over the impressively wired-for-sound system. q says they sometimes played the star spangled banner by hendrix, among many other great tunes. (i love old hippies!) it's the kind of place any kid (or grown-up kid!) would love. so clean and well-maintained, and even accredited. so this time, she went for the two-week session. we got only one postcard from her-a good sign! it read: "sorry i haven't written, but please know: i am having a BLAST!"
when m and i arrived, we were just in time for the "big show" which the campers put on for the parents. first was the parade out onto the meadow. dozens of kids on stilts, in lavish costumes. and unicyclists all around. some just dancing along, in colorful, crazy clothing. we saw q in the crowd of dancers. she looked SO happy. pure bliss on her beautiful face. and she remembered to sunscreen-she looked great!
after the parade, patch adams led everyone in a sing-along, with a most appropriate song. "all we are saying... is give peace a chance" that made me all bleary-eyed, for several good reasons. it was powerful to sing that song in a large group like that. yes, patch adams, the m.d. that robin williams played in the movie of the same name. he is a friend of wavy's, and he always attends session b, and teaches clowning to the children. what a sweet and funny man.
after the parade, everyone breaks off into their groups and parents tour around, seeing their kids in all of their performing glory. we watched q do improv and then got to visit with her for a bit, while she changed into different clothing for her singing performance in "experimento", which involved all of the kids writing an amazingly powerful poem, that they turned into a song. my "baby" sang the most incredible solo. in perfect spanish! it was one of those perfect moments as a parent, where you just feel so much love that it's almost unbearable-in a good way! all the kids looked and sounded magnificent. when she came and sat with us, people were approaching q and telling her how lovely she sounded. this girls can SING. i knew it way back in pre-school, truly. and it just gets better, thanks to chorus, chamber singers, voice/piano lessons, etc. it did not come from me, that is for certain. i sound like froggy on "the little rascals" when i attempt to sing! but i sing, nonetheless. her voice is her gift, and she deserves it. after the song, she returned to the stage with a group of dancers, and they did a thing they titled "pretty much awesome", and it was indeed. lots of hip hop dancing, and more singing. beautiful.
we then gathered up all of her stuff and hiked out to the car. once out on the highway again, it got quiet in the back seat. m and i turned around, and q was crying those huge, silent tears. she was grieving because she was leaving. and she so loves it there, where she can be all the things she is, without fear of judgement, pettiness, or negativity. and at the tender age of 13, those are things that are not easily avoidable. we both told her we understood how she felt, leaving a place where you felt so much joy. we stopped and hugged and got some juice and water, and then headed back over the mountain, to the coast. she was a different person, and it happens every summer. she said that she loves her friends at home and school, but they can't compare to her camp pals.
i am so thankful that she gets to go to this place that puts her in touch with all of the things she is, and allows her to establish her own identity, and just soak up the positive stuff. now more than ever, kids need those things. so much fear, worry and hatred in their world. it's nice that there are places that remind them to just be children. no internet, or ipods, or television shows, or video games. and yet, she wept and wept about leaving. that is a powerful statement, about what kids really NEED. my father makes this happen for her every year. she is a lucky girl, and i am her oh-so-lucky mama. she is already talking about next summer.
if you click on the title to this post, you can learn more about this place, and see photos as well.
but beyond that, he and his wife jahanara have spent much of their collective lives together by enriching the lives of countless children, at their performing arts/circus camp in laytonville, california. oh sure, there are plenty of kids-of-hippies in attendance, but they also provide scholarships to lots of inner city children, many who have never been outside of their cities. so there is great diversity. the place itself is incredible. after turning off the highway, you wind your way down a dusty dirt road, across the creek, passing several of wavy's ancient school buses with "nobody for president" painted on the sides. everywhere there are ancient oak trees and manzanita. when you reach the parking area, you are greeted by a young counselor of the juggling variety. after parking and loading the stuff onto the transport-truck, you walk to the registration area where you sign in, and verify that all paperwork is complete. then it's across the creek and up a little hill, where you find rolling, grassy fields, trapezes and cloud-swings, shade-and-water stations for stilt-walkers, and "downtown camp." this consists of about 15 huge teepees, all in a circle. each teepee sleeps about 10 children and their counselors. all of them have "skylights", with a view of stars at night. there is a campfire circle in the middle of all the teepees, and the rainbow stage is nearby. there is also a massive costume tent, filled with anything you could imagine needing for a performance. and the kitchen tent, with it's long, welcoming tables out front. after fetching q's bags, etc. from the drop-off point and getting them into her teepee, we wandered around some, and met her counselors. there is always 1 adult counselor and several teen counselors for each teepee. many of the adults and teens were once campers themselves, as nobody ever seems to want to leave winnarainbow! you can be a kid camper there until you are 14, so next summer will be q's final year in that respect. however, she is thrilled at the idea of returning as a teen staff member. also close to camp is lake veronica, their own little lake, complete with a waterslide they purchased from the old marine world in redwood city, as well as several stationary rafts for relaxing, diving, and so on. this is a performing arts camp, in every sense of the word. the choices available are many. there is dance, singing, clowning, improv comedy, unicycling, stilt-walking, trapeze-flying, and on and on. all of the instructors are so well-trained, and incredible with the children. nobody is forced to try anything if they don't want to. it is such a self esteem-building place! there is also plenty of time for just having fun, as well as relaxing. you can write and fax your camper as often as you want, and send care packages, but no candy-they get treats and desserts regularly there. the food is always nourishing and fun. music is playing almost all the time-either live, by the counselors and kids, or over the impressively wired-for-sound system. q says they sometimes played the star spangled banner by hendrix, among many other great tunes. (i love old hippies!) it's the kind of place any kid (or grown-up kid!) would love. so clean and well-maintained, and even accredited. so this time, she went for the two-week session. we got only one postcard from her-a good sign! it read: "sorry i haven't written, but please know: i am having a BLAST!"
when m and i arrived, we were just in time for the "big show" which the campers put on for the parents. first was the parade out onto the meadow. dozens of kids on stilts, in lavish costumes. and unicyclists all around. some just dancing along, in colorful, crazy clothing. we saw q in the crowd of dancers. she looked SO happy. pure bliss on her beautiful face. and she remembered to sunscreen-she looked great!
after the parade, patch adams led everyone in a sing-along, with a most appropriate song. "all we are saying... is give peace a chance" that made me all bleary-eyed, for several good reasons. it was powerful to sing that song in a large group like that. yes, patch adams, the m.d. that robin williams played in the movie of the same name. he is a friend of wavy's, and he always attends session b, and teaches clowning to the children. what a sweet and funny man.
after the parade, everyone breaks off into their groups and parents tour around, seeing their kids in all of their performing glory. we watched q do improv and then got to visit with her for a bit, while she changed into different clothing for her singing performance in "experimento", which involved all of the kids writing an amazingly powerful poem, that they turned into a song. my "baby" sang the most incredible solo. in perfect spanish! it was one of those perfect moments as a parent, where you just feel so much love that it's almost unbearable-in a good way! all the kids looked and sounded magnificent. when she came and sat with us, people were approaching q and telling her how lovely she sounded. this girls can SING. i knew it way back in pre-school, truly. and it just gets better, thanks to chorus, chamber singers, voice/piano lessons, etc. it did not come from me, that is for certain. i sound like froggy on "the little rascals" when i attempt to sing! but i sing, nonetheless. her voice is her gift, and she deserves it. after the song, she returned to the stage with a group of dancers, and they did a thing they titled "pretty much awesome", and it was indeed. lots of hip hop dancing, and more singing. beautiful.
we then gathered up all of her stuff and hiked out to the car. once out on the highway again, it got quiet in the back seat. m and i turned around, and q was crying those huge, silent tears. she was grieving because she was leaving. and she so loves it there, where she can be all the things she is, without fear of judgement, pettiness, or negativity. and at the tender age of 13, those are things that are not easily avoidable. we both told her we understood how she felt, leaving a place where you felt so much joy. we stopped and hugged and got some juice and water, and then headed back over the mountain, to the coast. she was a different person, and it happens every summer. she said that she loves her friends at home and school, but they can't compare to her camp pals.
i am so thankful that she gets to go to this place that puts her in touch with all of the things she is, and allows her to establish her own identity, and just soak up the positive stuff. now more than ever, kids need those things. so much fear, worry and hatred in their world. it's nice that there are places that remind them to just be children. no internet, or ipods, or television shows, or video games. and yet, she wept and wept about leaving. that is a powerful statement, about what kids really NEED. my father makes this happen for her every year. she is a lucky girl, and i am her oh-so-lucky mama. she is already talking about next summer.
if you click on the title to this post, you can learn more about this place, and see photos as well.
Friday, July 15, 2005
mark morford
i could not resist posting this link to a funny piece by a favorite columnist-of-mine. (makes me glad that i'm a country bumpkin...just in case)
Thursday, July 14, 2005
stop hey, what's that sound?
o.k. folks, have you had enough bullshit yet? i know i have. "curiouser and curiouser" as alice once said. lately there seems to be a veritable smorgasbord of stupidity from our leaders and their puppet masters. remember the good old days-- of adulterous presidential affairs of the oral variety? as sordid as all that was trumped-up to be, it pales in comparison to the lies and outright blunders that have come to light recently. maybe it's really tue, what we always used to say... "what goes around, comes around" !!
summer is in full swing here on the north coast. a few observations:
how the hell can you visitors afford to put gas in the mobile monstrosities you visit our town in? i mean, beyond the urban assault vehicles... those massive motor homes, wow. it boggles the mind, to calculate. such a waste of money, oil, blood. is that why you look so sad/angry/lethargic whilst cruising all about? here's a hint-look over to your right or left, at that spectacular bright blue pacific ocean and just drink it in. you might feel better. i know i always do. the beauty you see here is why we residents put up with low-paying jobs, high cost of living, and hordes of tourists. it isn't for the malls, as we have none. the closest mall is more than 2 hours away. and why come to a place with such natural beauty, when all you do is shop? how sad. can't you do that in your respective cities? this is one of the last pristine spots on the entire california coastline, for now. and that's why i live here.
why do you look at us locals so weirdly? haven't you seen people that don't all look like everyone else before? this is a place that savors rugged individualism. sometimes that means long hair-and even dreadlocks! there is a large population of lesbians. deal with it. this is our place, and remember... you get to go back to your homogenized little worlds, away from all of this. don't be afraid. i guess i just wonder why you come here? i mean, it is a known liberal bastion. the biggest cash crop is... you guessed it! it is a huge part of the economic base here. at the 4th of july parade, there was a float with a pack of bare-breasted women on the flatbed, with signs that read: "breasts not bombs", etc. you would have thought people were gonna croak on the spot, i was told. too funny. iraqi kids getting limbs blown off or just blown-up strikes me as a tad bit more obscene than naked breasts.
but that's just me.
one final thought that has been on my mind... i know that forgiveness is the key to every door, BUT- if you voted for W in the 2000 or 2004 "elections", i have trouble with forgiving you. i mean really. take a good, long look at where we are as a country right now. a mess. layers of lies and deception. and you know what? i resent the hell out of the fact that people did not take the time to KNOW what the future held, with that little piss-ant in charge. i did. i saw who that man was and more importantly, who his friends and cronies were---immediately. and don't even try to say that things were EVER close to this screwed-up when bill was there. get real, for once. people in iraq and afghanistan weren't dropping like flies, countries didn't despise us, gasoline wasn't 2.60 a gallon. the economy wasn't being choked to death. oh, except for the companies with war contracts. i forgot.
and we weren't having jebus shoved down our throats by a cokehead loser. oh wait. the oval office blow job. that definitely is SO much worse than being billions and billions of dollars in debt. all for a war that was based wholy on fabrication. so hey, if i seem bitter... i sure as hell am. and my kids get to deal with the mess that has been made for the rest of their lives. thanks a lot for not paying attention. oh yeah, that's right. you were too busy watching t.v., or chatting on the computer, or listening to rush on the radio. and now that you have allowed this to happen to us all, you think that "support the troops" magnet absolves you of any wrong doing? it doesn't. so even if you now regret that you cast your vote for him, i can't forgive you. because the damage that has been done affects me and those that i love, as well as the entire planet. thanks a lot. i hope you are happy, in your million-dollar homes, and your suv's, and with your extensive line-of-credit.
sorry if this offends, but it has been bugging me in a big way. i feel much better now.
summer is in full swing here on the north coast. a few observations:
how the hell can you visitors afford to put gas in the mobile monstrosities you visit our town in? i mean, beyond the urban assault vehicles... those massive motor homes, wow. it boggles the mind, to calculate. such a waste of money, oil, blood. is that why you look so sad/angry/lethargic whilst cruising all about? here's a hint-look over to your right or left, at that spectacular bright blue pacific ocean and just drink it in. you might feel better. i know i always do. the beauty you see here is why we residents put up with low-paying jobs, high cost of living, and hordes of tourists. it isn't for the malls, as we have none. the closest mall is more than 2 hours away. and why come to a place with such natural beauty, when all you do is shop? how sad. can't you do that in your respective cities? this is one of the last pristine spots on the entire california coastline, for now. and that's why i live here.
why do you look at us locals so weirdly? haven't you seen people that don't all look like everyone else before? this is a place that savors rugged individualism. sometimes that means long hair-and even dreadlocks! there is a large population of lesbians. deal with it. this is our place, and remember... you get to go back to your homogenized little worlds, away from all of this. don't be afraid. i guess i just wonder why you come here? i mean, it is a known liberal bastion. the biggest cash crop is... you guessed it! it is a huge part of the economic base here. at the 4th of july parade, there was a float with a pack of bare-breasted women on the flatbed, with signs that read: "breasts not bombs", etc. you would have thought people were gonna croak on the spot, i was told. too funny. iraqi kids getting limbs blown off or just blown-up strikes me as a tad bit more obscene than naked breasts.
but that's just me.
one final thought that has been on my mind... i know that forgiveness is the key to every door, BUT- if you voted for W in the 2000 or 2004 "elections", i have trouble with forgiving you. i mean really. take a good, long look at where we are as a country right now. a mess. layers of lies and deception. and you know what? i resent the hell out of the fact that people did not take the time to KNOW what the future held, with that little piss-ant in charge. i did. i saw who that man was and more importantly, who his friends and cronies were---immediately. and don't even try to say that things were EVER close to this screwed-up when bill was there. get real, for once. people in iraq and afghanistan weren't dropping like flies, countries didn't despise us, gasoline wasn't 2.60 a gallon. the economy wasn't being choked to death. oh, except for the companies with war contracts. i forgot.
and we weren't having jebus shoved down our throats by a cokehead loser. oh wait. the oval office blow job. that definitely is SO much worse than being billions and billions of dollars in debt. all for a war that was based wholy on fabrication. so hey, if i seem bitter... i sure as hell am. and my kids get to deal with the mess that has been made for the rest of their lives. thanks a lot for not paying attention. oh yeah, that's right. you were too busy watching t.v., or chatting on the computer, or listening to rush on the radio. and now that you have allowed this to happen to us all, you think that "support the troops" magnet absolves you of any wrong doing? it doesn't. so even if you now regret that you cast your vote for him, i can't forgive you. because the damage that has been done affects me and those that i love, as well as the entire planet. thanks a lot. i hope you are happy, in your million-dollar homes, and your suv's, and with your extensive line-of-credit.
sorry if this offends, but it has been bugging me in a big way. i feel much better now.
Monday, July 11, 2005
happy happy, joy joy
two reasons to be hopeful tonight:
1.) karl rove's evil-doer ways are being revealed, at long last.
2.) i took the quiz... and i am only 1% republican !
(i'm working on 0%,though)
... you too can take the quiz. good luck!
Are You A Republican?
1.) karl rove's evil-doer ways are being revealed, at long last.
2.) i took the quiz... and i am only 1% republican !
(i'm working on 0%,though)
... you too can take the quiz. good luck!
1% Republican. | "You're a complete liberal, utterly without a trace of Republicanism. Your strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure. (You hope.)" |
Sunday, July 10, 2005
question everything
this is me. these words and the feelings that got them from soul-to-page.
they are not always happy. nor are they "normal". i gave up on that concept by the time i was ten, and my dad lived in the haight ashbury. i knew then that i never wanted to be like everyone else. i liked the colorful, crazy freaks-in-the-street. they were not afraid to be individuals, or to ask questions of the status quo.
and i have marched to that drum beat all of my life. there have been so many intervals, when i would try so hard to fit in, or stifle my true thoughts. because of how those thoughts might affect my chances at being acceptable in "normal" circles. raising my kids when they were young made me feel like i had to hide the person that i was. for things like playgroup, pre-school, and so forth. so i tried, and it worked, for a while. but i know now how damaging that was to my true self. the self that seeks truth, no matter how troubling or strange that truth might be.
one night, sixteen years back, i was heading home with my two children. we lived in santa cruz then, and we had spent the day with their aunt. we were going through the town that led to our town, and my then 7-year-old son spotted the golden arches. he began to plead for a happy meal, only becuse he loved the toy du jour, which i believe was some sort of a transforming hamburger at that time, or something equally silly. he never even liked hamburgers-it was all about the toys. today, he is a vegan, and has been since 1998. and the bag full of plastic toys is stored away in the shed!
anyway, against my better judgement, i submitted to his request. we went through the drive-through, since his little sister was sound asleep in her car seat. we ordered and then, while waiting, proceeded to do what we often did, which is laugh, trade a few one-liners, and just pass the time. it was not busy, and yet that happy meal was taking quite a while. the young woman who took our order came back to the window and nervously said it would be a few more minutes. this seemed strange, but hey, it's hard to get good help these days, right? finally, she handed the bag to me and we proceeded through the drive-through, only to find a sheriff's cruiser waiting... for us! and another was parked off to the side. they motioned for me to pull over, so i did. they then proceeded to fuck with me for the next hour or so. several sobriety tests were administered. lots of questions. me crying. even worse-my dear son, sitting in the car. hysterical. begging to know what was wrong. they never even tried to talk to him, or soothe him in any way. public servants? ha!! his sister slumbered soundly through the chaos, thankfully. to this day, she is a really sound sleeper! after all the tests and the talking and the breathalizer, they realized that i was under the influence of: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. and they let us go home. big of them, right?
apparently, the little twit who worked at mickey d's had decided that i must be drunk or loaded, because i was giggling and being child-like with my boy! how dare i do that?! so, she took it upon herself to call the cops. nice, eh? self-righteous, air-headed bimbo! i never took any action against mcdonalds, unfortunately. that event woke me up to a fact i had successfully eluded for some time. that i was odd, and often misunderstood by "normal" folks. and, despite the awful event that brought me to this realization, i was relieved. oh, and i never again felt the urge to go to mcdonalds, which turned out to be a wise decision, since we now know about trans fats and obesity and all the other unhealthy disadvatages of eating at those places. (read "fast food nation", if you haven't already--it'll scare the shit out of you.)
so that is me. the oddball. the one who sees and hears things that many are content to ignore. thankfully, my sweet love is similarly afflicted, and has had similar experiences throughout his life. and now, as my kids grow up, i fear that they have not been spared this genetic blessing? curse? whatever. they are individuals, in every sense of the word. and i couldn't be prouder, while worried at the same time.
because the world is not easy on those who ask too many questions.
"whenever i say something they find hard to hear, they chalk it up to my anger and never to their own fear"
ani difranco
they are not always happy. nor are they "normal". i gave up on that concept by the time i was ten, and my dad lived in the haight ashbury. i knew then that i never wanted to be like everyone else. i liked the colorful, crazy freaks-in-the-street. they were not afraid to be individuals, or to ask questions of the status quo.
and i have marched to that drum beat all of my life. there have been so many intervals, when i would try so hard to fit in, or stifle my true thoughts. because of how those thoughts might affect my chances at being acceptable in "normal" circles. raising my kids when they were young made me feel like i had to hide the person that i was. for things like playgroup, pre-school, and so forth. so i tried, and it worked, for a while. but i know now how damaging that was to my true self. the self that seeks truth, no matter how troubling or strange that truth might be.
one night, sixteen years back, i was heading home with my two children. we lived in santa cruz then, and we had spent the day with their aunt. we were going through the town that led to our town, and my then 7-year-old son spotted the golden arches. he began to plead for a happy meal, only becuse he loved the toy du jour, which i believe was some sort of a transforming hamburger at that time, or something equally silly. he never even liked hamburgers-it was all about the toys. today, he is a vegan, and has been since 1998. and the bag full of plastic toys is stored away in the shed!
anyway, against my better judgement, i submitted to his request. we went through the drive-through, since his little sister was sound asleep in her car seat. we ordered and then, while waiting, proceeded to do what we often did, which is laugh, trade a few one-liners, and just pass the time. it was not busy, and yet that happy meal was taking quite a while. the young woman who took our order came back to the window and nervously said it would be a few more minutes. this seemed strange, but hey, it's hard to get good help these days, right? finally, she handed the bag to me and we proceeded through the drive-through, only to find a sheriff's cruiser waiting... for us! and another was parked off to the side. they motioned for me to pull over, so i did. they then proceeded to fuck with me for the next hour or so. several sobriety tests were administered. lots of questions. me crying. even worse-my dear son, sitting in the car. hysterical. begging to know what was wrong. they never even tried to talk to him, or soothe him in any way. public servants? ha!! his sister slumbered soundly through the chaos, thankfully. to this day, she is a really sound sleeper! after all the tests and the talking and the breathalizer, they realized that i was under the influence of: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. and they let us go home. big of them, right?
apparently, the little twit who worked at mickey d's had decided that i must be drunk or loaded, because i was giggling and being child-like with my boy! how dare i do that?! so, she took it upon herself to call the cops. nice, eh? self-righteous, air-headed bimbo! i never took any action against mcdonalds, unfortunately. that event woke me up to a fact i had successfully eluded for some time. that i was odd, and often misunderstood by "normal" folks. and, despite the awful event that brought me to this realization, i was relieved. oh, and i never again felt the urge to go to mcdonalds, which turned out to be a wise decision, since we now know about trans fats and obesity and all the other unhealthy disadvatages of eating at those places. (read "fast food nation", if you haven't already--it'll scare the shit out of you.)
so that is me. the oddball. the one who sees and hears things that many are content to ignore. thankfully, my sweet love is similarly afflicted, and has had similar experiences throughout his life. and now, as my kids grow up, i fear that they have not been spared this genetic blessing? curse? whatever. they are individuals, in every sense of the word. and i couldn't be prouder, while worried at the same time.
because the world is not easy on those who ask too many questions.
"whenever i say something they find hard to hear, they chalk it up to my anger and never to their own fear"
ani difranco
Friday, July 08, 2005
sheep leaping and summertime around the shack
i found a story with a bit more brevity to it. and humor as well, in a twisted way. it is really a strange story. it did help me to understand further about the negative connotation the word "sheep" can have, especially when describing those who follow blindly, unaware of any danger that may present. (sheep and lemmings, right?)
on a completely different topic... these days with my two adult children have been surreal. i have dreamt for so long of a time just like this, to reconnect, and just enjoy one another. there is no greater feeling of satisfaction, then to just watch them be who they are. we've had deep conversations and consistent laughter together. appreciating the beauty we are lucky enough to be hanging out in. incredible children-of-mine. i dread returning to work again on monday. they are much more interesting than my job, hands down.
tomorrow we retrieve the "baby" at camp after two weeks. a most wondrous camp, with a clown named wavy gravy "in charge", and patch adams as a special guest/teacher. we look forward to her tales of big fun. i have missed her. we all have. only five years and she will be an adult child-of-mine too. "time waits for no one."
the love i feel for these three people is why i wake up every day. it makes me strong, and gives me true purpose in my sometimes-wretched life! and the moment each of them drew that first perfect breath, that is how i have felt.
"send the boys all back to the farm
tell the troops it was a false alarm,
cause if i die i wanna be in your arms,
and so i won't go to war, no i won't go to war,
said i won't go to war no more"
lysistrata/t. rundgren
... maybe i will blog about lysistrata tomorrow, or soon.
on a completely different topic... these days with my two adult children have been surreal. i have dreamt for so long of a time just like this, to reconnect, and just enjoy one another. there is no greater feeling of satisfaction, then to just watch them be who they are. we've had deep conversations and consistent laughter together. appreciating the beauty we are lucky enough to be hanging out in. incredible children-of-mine. i dread returning to work again on monday. they are much more interesting than my job, hands down.
tomorrow we retrieve the "baby" at camp after two weeks. a most wondrous camp, with a clown named wavy gravy "in charge", and patch adams as a special guest/teacher. we look forward to her tales of big fun. i have missed her. we all have. only five years and she will be an adult child-of-mine too. "time waits for no one."
the love i feel for these three people is why i wake up every day. it makes me strong, and gives me true purpose in my sometimes-wretched life! and the moment each of them drew that first perfect breath, that is how i have felt.
"send the boys all back to the farm
tell the troops it was a false alarm,
cause if i die i wanna be in your arms,
and so i won't go to war, no i won't go to war,
said i won't go to war no more"
lysistrata/t. rundgren
... maybe i will blog about lysistrata tomorrow, or soon.
"don't wanna be an american idiot"
these are paul harvey's recent opinions about the necessity of wartime aggression... ouch.
proving to my peace-loving self (yet again) that i am a stranger in a strange land.
proving to my peace-loving self (yet again) that i am a stranger in a strange land.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
my thoughts exactly
today's news from london is devastating. this is one of three vacation days for me this week. so i awoke refreshed and ready to enjoy my day of freedom-from-the-workplace. then i heard the news. my heart sunk. i began to read accounts of the attack online, as well as a few blogs which were discussing it. the link above takes you to one person's viewpoint and thoughts about this latest attack. i was struck by her words. i have seen varying viewpoints as well, and to me, there are still so many people with such powerful systems of denial about all of this. granted, i am to the left of many people. but still. what will it take for people to admit that bush and company have turned this world into a much darker, scarier place, and that every time there is another attack, and much of the population is more fearful, their agenda is furthered? why? because fearful, vulnerable citizens are willing to allow their government to do all of the thinking for them. why do so few people connect the dots?
because it is too frightening for the average person to believe that they have been lied to and placed in great danger by the very leaders that they voted for.
do people really believe that this latest attack has nothing to do with the havoc bush has wreaked upon various far-off lands? they believe in him. still. it is realizations like this that make me lose hope in my fellow man. so, i will head out into the sunshine and walk to the ocean. nothing else makes much sense right now, so i will just allow nature to feed my sorrowful soul. peace... and i really mean that.
because it is too frightening for the average person to believe that they have been lied to and placed in great danger by the very leaders that they voted for.
do people really believe that this latest attack has nothing to do with the havoc bush has wreaked upon various far-off lands? they believe in him. still. it is realizations like this that make me lose hope in my fellow man. so, i will head out into the sunshine and walk to the ocean. nothing else makes much sense right now, so i will just allow nature to feed my sorrowful soul. peace... and i really mean that.
Monday, July 04, 2005
ship of fools
the preamble to the declaration of independence (july 4th, 1776) declares the right of revolution and the right to self determination.
"that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government, laying it's foundation on such principles and organizing it's powers in such form as to them shall seem most likely to affect their safety and happiness"
today is a hard day for me... waving little flags and watching fireworks will not make me feel good about this country right now. i so want to be proud again. i was once. it is not popular to have these views of mine, in blog space or real-time. but i couldn't care less. if people would take the time to read the constitution, they would find that we, as citizens have every right to speak out.
i feel independent of the masses today. i will not attend our parade in town. there are plenty of alternate views in that parade, but still, i just can't do it. i ache for this land of my birth. i cannot pretend that everything is wonderful, and no amount of red white and blue will change the way i feel. impeaching that liar will.
"don't lend your hand to raise no flag atop no ship of fools" ... (the rest of the lyrics are in the above link, like always.)
"that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government, laying it's foundation on such principles and organizing it's powers in such form as to them shall seem most likely to affect their safety and happiness"
today is a hard day for me... waving little flags and watching fireworks will not make me feel good about this country right now. i so want to be proud again. i was once. it is not popular to have these views of mine, in blog space or real-time. but i couldn't care less. if people would take the time to read the constitution, they would find that we, as citizens have every right to speak out.
i feel independent of the masses today. i will not attend our parade in town. there are plenty of alternate views in that parade, but still, i just can't do it. i ache for this land of my birth. i cannot pretend that everything is wonderful, and no amount of red white and blue will change the way i feel. impeaching that liar will.
"don't lend your hand to raise no flag atop no ship of fools" ... (the rest of the lyrics are in the above link, like always.)
Saturday, July 02, 2005
read all about it...
the above link will take you to the story about the lovely, the talented karl rove, and his part in revealing the identity of valerie plame. how the hell can this stand?
he is absolute pond scum...
he is absolute pond scum...
amelia
on this date in 1937, amelia earhart vanished from the sky. when we discussed that fact today, i was reminded that her navigator was a man. (maybe he wouldn't ask for directions?) i love joni's song, "amelia", and it has been in my head all day, appropriately. as usual, the lyrics are there to read if you so desire.
the days and nights are full of familial fun. my son is a joy to spend time with again. i admit to unabashed pride where he is concerned. to see a child from birth to adulthood is one of life's most generous gifts.
my podcast interview was posted yesterday... http://www.closetdeadhead.com is the web address, and then just click on the "listen" button for podcast # 35. (my 15 minutes of *streaming* fame?)
other thoughts-a-swirling in my head today... the future of the supreme court, karl rove/valerie plame, salmon filets and broiled portabella mushrooms. and better days.
the days and nights are full of familial fun. my son is a joy to spend time with again. i admit to unabashed pride where he is concerned. to see a child from birth to adulthood is one of life's most generous gifts.
my podcast interview was posted yesterday... http://www.closetdeadhead.com is the web address, and then just click on the "listen" button for podcast # 35. (my 15 minutes of *streaming* fame?)
other thoughts-a-swirling in my head today... the future of the supreme court, karl rove/valerie plame, salmon filets and broiled portabella mushrooms. and better days.
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