What If

Photo of new sign on the door of the library where I occasionally work as a substitute. I call it the opposite of Aloha, and don't like it.. Especially since the library also serves a K-12 public school. I mean , I get it.  But it's still cold/vague/dismissive. Please define "nice"-- and which version of niceness are we going with?  

What if you finally woke up and realized you'd been manipulated and bullied and stepped on for most of you life?  And you accepted this as normalcy, since it was ever-so?  That's me.  Always in "Please like me/love me mode".  When and why did this start? Easy to blame Catholic Elementary School and Catholic relatives, but that doesn't mean my non-Catholic relations are clean.  The ones that still cling to their (closeted) Puritan values.  

What my family and the universe produced was a door mat to many.  Too many.  A large percentage of them unworthy of my energy.  I just kept accepting the role, beginning in early childhood.

Until I came to the life changing realization that I did not have to accept it anymore, and ceased.  Or am trying to cease.

It's true that I don't seem like the type to be bullied.  I was never bullied physically, save for the time my evil ex smashed my face.  But never in school, etc.  The bullying I mean is more subtle.  It's allowing oneself to be manipulated and not even realizing that is the case.  It's subjugating your own thoughts and ideas and needs for the purpose of the appeasement or favor of those around you.  Beware of emotional vampires, kiddies! 

"Can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself." Rick Nelson