Photo of new sign on the door of the library where I occasionally work as a substitute. I call it the opposite of Aloha, and don't like it.. Especially since the library also serves a K-12 public school. I mean , I get it. But it's still cold/vague/dismissive. Please define "nice"-- and which version of niceness are we going with?
What my family and the universe produced was a door mat to many. Too many. A large percentage of them unworthy of my energy. I just kept accepting the role, beginning in early childhood.
Until I came to the life changing realization that I did not have to accept it anymore, and ceased. Or am trying to cease.
It's true that I don't seem like the type to be bullied. I was never bullied physically, save for the time my evil ex smashed my face. But never in school, etc. The bullying I mean is more subtle. It's allowing oneself to be manipulated and not even realizing that is the case. It's subjugating your own thoughts and ideas and needs for the purpose of the appeasement or favor of those around you. Beware of emotional vampires, kiddies!
"Can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself." Rick Nelson
8 comments:
My mom is the biggest bully in my life. She's so passive aggressive, getting in her digs with a smile on her face, trying to micromanage me and my life, insisting I put her first when she's never given me a reason to put her first. I didn't even want to move back here until she died but unfortunately she'll probably live another 20 years. So I grudingly make the weekly trip over to visit and try to keep it at 2 hours or so then I go home b/c that's all I can take. Her insistance that I drop whatever I'm doing and go over there for non-emergencies or some last minute thing she needs/wants drives me crazy. I have finally begun to say 'no I'm sorry, if it's not an emergency, I'll come tomorrow but I just can't do it now.' Then she pitches a complete temper tantrum complete with screaming, crying and slamming the phone down on me.
When I read that sign, I think it is intended for the bully and not for the victim. The victim is always "nice"-- always ready to appease. It's the bully who needs the reminder, even at the library.
How sad and far too common, I'll bet. I know of what you speak! Wise of you to sense it early-on in your life.
I wasn't so wise. It's painful to finally see things as they are, but I'm much calmer and happier as a result.
I see it as a cop out, and think it sends a really negative message to children. To me, it says: I will not engage with you individually and everyone is suspect, so watch your ass! Bullying won't be stopped with bullying signs, in my opinion.
I posted the photo to get other people's reaction to it's message, and am glad you weighed in here, Robin! Mahalo. : )
Perhaps, "Be Respectful or Leave."
I am a recovering codependent, Annie, and I swear it is an insidious disease that women are particularly prone to. I can't count how many times as a little girl I was told to be "nice," i.e. submissive and quiet. It is liberating to give this notion up, and be concerned only with OUR business, not everyone else's.
It was the way to raise good, submissive daughters. It feels good knowing we raised our daughters quite differently, right? Mine are pretty damn good at taking care of themselves out there.
Sigh.
(Edited)
Passive aggressive to the max.
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