My San Francisco Family/December 1982What is it about marriage? Some straight people believe that they own this alleged sacrament. Why is that? To me, it's an official declaration of love and devotion. I've attempted it and failed miserably. Still, I did get to experience the gift of my wonder-kids because of those unions. Or in spite of it? Because making and having the kids was the fun, amazing part. It would have been no less amazing had I not consented to taking those vows of forever love. We would still have been a family.
Anyway, just because I am not a fan of governmentally legitimized fucking, I still want my friends and family members to be allowed to love the person they chose to love. That's what all this whole thing is about...L O V E. The people that voted for and passed Prop 8 think they own love and commitment. Actually, they are hate-filled creeps.
The man and I have no annoying urge to marry- even after almost a decade of connubial relations. I can honestly say that I will continue to pass on the whole marriage thing-especially now that this state of my birth has decided to officially exclude an entire group of it's citizens from the same rights my partner and I are entitled to. Hey, until divorce rates for straight marrieds dip below the 80% failure mark... don't you dare tell me that marriage exists for you alone.
Prop 8 is a giant step backwards.Which makes the historic breakthrough victory on Tuesday feel truly bittersweet. It adversely affects loving families all over this state and country. And I'm angry when I am (again) reminded how far we have to go. Because their god told them to hate? Chalk up another one for your god. Haters.
14 comments:
Very well said. I *totally* agree! Straight marriages have been failing since the beginning of time -- no child has a guaranteed forever household headed by two parents of different genders. It was the lies about Prop8 that sickened me the most. Okay, say that your "god" dislikes it, fine. But don't tell people that no gay marriages = all children getting an ideal home. That's just total crap. Straights will get divorced just the same no matter what gay people do.
My pro-8 friends believed they were protecting society from unelected activist judges, and that civil unions with all the trimmings were good enough. I chose to stifle myself rather than ask how that separate but equal thing worked out down south. OK, so I don't want politics to mess up my social life. But this one sticks in my craw and will continue to at least until another proposition comes along to amend the constitution by taking this ridiculous limitation back out.
But so as not to lose my contrarian status, here's a view on Barack's supposed betrayal of the cause. Also includes a link to an article by a black activist lesbian who did nothing to defeat Prop 8 and defends her decision pretty well.
I can never let anything be simple. Including my own marriage, but enough about that. I wish family could be a refuge, but my niece feels betrayed by those on her father's side who voted for it, so I guess it isn't always. Lovely picture.
So anyway. This really steamed because when I think of a friend of mine and her daughter, they are a family. And if she hooks up with a woman (which she does once in awhile) and they really love each other and start a home together, the three of them would be a family too. Argh. Okay, no more outta me. I'm supposed to be writing.
Smack me if I'm thinking wrong, Annie, but I don't like mingling church law with civil law. For me, it's a constitution thing: let everyone have the church they see fit, and keep the government outside the walls of those churches (until it's time to prosecute priestly pedophiles, of course).
It seems to me, the best course is to address civil law first -- demand civil union be recognized as a civil right, at the federal level, thus affording same-sex spouses and their children the same protections the rest of us get.
My stepson's mom, don't forget, is gay. If she or her partner dies, the surviving partner will be financially buttfucked, DESPITE the thousands they spent having an estate plan drawn up by a lawyer. Let's take care of this, FIRST, and then maybe we can go after the churches.
Let's secure adoption rights for non-biological parents of families with gay parents. Most places in this country, the bio parent kicks off, the non-bio parent and the child are at serious risk of being separated permanently. THIS is unconscionable, to rip a grieving child from the arms of the only other parent she has ever known. Let's take care of this, NOW.
Why anyone, straight or gay, would want anything to do with any church that judges or persecutes gay people, is beyond me. I do think that God, if there is a God, doesn't give a crap about what church we attend, only what's happening in our hearts. That's why I see the church part of the issue as secondary. If I'm wrong, you know I expect you to straighten me out.
Have you joined Straight for Equality yet? PFLAG? The Human Rights Organization? Great resources for guiding the power of our voices. Our gay friends and family members will not get their civil rights unless we straight people get serious and help them, in droves, to make it happen.
We CAN do it. We need to get on it, NOW.
Zilla's comments made me think. I agree with both of you. The desire of Californians to ban gay marriage makes me ill but I hadn't been following the facts of the case. Since many marriages these days are civil it seems to me that gay marriage doesn't need to have anything to do with churches unless the couple wants to and can find an accepting church.
I chose freely to get married. I wish my gay friends could do the same (or not).
What an election. Yeah, this is still America. One step forward and another step back.
Thanks Annie for dropping by and your ongoing support. I love stopping by here!
STB
Great post.
you said it, sistah! i had the great privledge of venting my spleen outside the LDS Temple in Oakland yesterday. Yee-HA but that felt good! Lots of cops, lots of haters, lots of fun loving civil rights loving citizens hold signs and honking horns.
I'm tired of being nice about it -- fuck 'em if they don't understand the fundamental difference between a church marriage and a civil marriage -- the state only recognizes the civil. I don't believe 8 can stand the legal test.
prop 8 is so evil.
nice family picture.
Love, that's right! That's what it's all about. Equal rights.
I love your family photo. (Are we related? Some of those folks look like some of my family folks. Maybe it's the hair. )
Great post. When two people love each other and want to be together, it shouldn't matter to anyone else what they choose to do in the bedroom which is the only place where things are different to 'straight' couples.
nice family. good rant.
when will they ever learn.
It's going to happen in our lifetimes, of that I am certain. It just needs all of our voices. Just like this post, annie. A beautiful rant. Equality for all.
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