there were days...

happy new year, one-and-all. let's hope so!

what day is this?

the holiday blur is fading, here at the shack.

we all had fun, and loved being with everyone, as expected.

i did get my digital camera, and will be posting pictures this weekend.

it would have been great to have more leisure time this week, to play with

my new toy. work IS over-rated!



since getting back to the coast, we have had a great deal of rain.

in fact, our entire back yard is lake-like. hopefully, it will get better

tomorrow, but so far, there has been little progress

in the saturation department.

it's just standing there. (nature kicks ass, dude.)


when we were at g's parent's place, i stepped on a scale. i do not own one.

that's a good thing! i lost 10 more pounds since my last weigh in,

which was 3 weeks ago. that was gratifying, due to the holiday season.

onward!

it's topsy-turvy time

best to all ~ !

all i want this year is impeachment.

we are off to the family festivities tomorrow,

to return on sunday.

peace.

full of memories

this was the place my father lived for 30 years, it's in the absolute heart of north beach, san francisco. built in 1908. last year, he and my stepmother bought a place near japan town, far from north beach. the apartment is bigger, more elegant, and much better for them, as they move through life together.

but... we will always miss this place. his flat was the top one, and it was huge. wood floors, and views of washington square park and sts. peter and paul church, as well as much of the north beach area. so many memories live there.

sorry for a fairly boring photo, comparatively. but fear not-by next week i will be snappin' pictures and putting them up here for photo sunday, with any luck.

oh, and for those that have inquired, the diet i am following is called the fat flush plan. created by a woman named ann louise gittleman. just finished my hot water and lemon juice, which i drink every morning, right after the cran-water and flax seed. yum?

a gentle photo

again, courtesy of my dear compadre. taken at the japanese tea garden, in golden gate park. i like this face.

only a little more than a week, and the mayhem that is xmas will be history.
but really, we are dealing with it quite calmly. i have even purchased several gifts, and the tree will be done over the weekend, when my college kid gets home.

you may have guessed by my previous posts that i am not a fan of the death penalty.
that is true. i am disgusted that the human race still relies on barbaric practices, to teach us not to be barbaric. how absurd. hence my intense posts.

i am still enjoying the immense satisfaction of steady weight loss. and wow, some days it isn't easy, like at work, when people bring in sweet things constantly. i rush to the safety of my hard-boiled egg, or my tangerine, and try not to think about that plate of cookies in the break room, beckoning.

tomorrow night is the choral concert, and my 8th-grader has a solo. i can't wait to be there, soaking up the glorious sounds those voices make.

the rude one goes off on the exterminator...

12/13/2005
On the Dead and Dying, Part 2: Arnold's Choice:
Man, the Rude Pundit wants Arnold Schwarzenegger to be in charge of all decisions of life or death. He wants that deep thinkin' demi-Nazi to walk from cell to cell at San Quentin and mark a chalk X outside each door. Because Arnold Schwarzenegger is just who we all want tellin' us who should live or die, who deserves mercy and who deserves death. Goddamn, what an easy world it'll be havin' Arnold Schwarzenegger make all those decisions.

Fuck, let's not limit Arnold Schwarzenegger to the executable on death row; send Arnold Schwarzenegger into hospitals so he can give the thumbs up or thumbs down to each person on life support. The Rude Pundit wants us to entrust Arnold Schwarzenegger with that shit. Let's not stop with amendin' the Constitution so Arnold can lead us all. The Rude Pundit wants Arnold Schwarzenegger on the left hand of God, Jesus, Allah, who the fuck ever, sayin' to that big ass deity where to toss lightnin', where to unleash a plague, where to make the waters rise, and where to make the land dry out.

'Cause no one knows how to judge the worth of a soul like Arnold Schwarzenegger, man. No one could tell whether or not someone's more valuable dead than alive, no one can say how many lives will be saved if Stanley "Tookie" Williams had been allowed to live, no one is full of unbiased, apolitical consideration more than Arnold Fuckin' Schwarzenegger.

Arnold Fuckin' Schwarzenegger? Ya gotta be fuckin' kiddin'. Who's been indirectly responsible for more violence since the early 1980s, Tookie or the Terminator? Tough question, no?

For, if nothing else, the Williams case has laid clear the absurdity of the governorship of Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you spend your life acting like an amoral, gun-firing buffoon, why should anyone expect you to act differently as the governor? That would require an act of clemency by the voting public, that might require you to say you wanted to redeem yourself for your past sins.

Meanwhile, last night, the Rude Pundit flipped between CNN and Fox "News" to watch coverage of the execution of Stanley Williams. CNN went with the more intellectually stimulating CNN International (motto: Other countries are smarter than the United States, and we prove it every day) for its reporting, and Fox went with the usual Murdoch spooge buckets.

A couple of brief observations: whoever the pro-death penalty guy on CNNi was, he was one creepy motherfucker, speaking in perfectly even tones about the need for "justice," and apocalyptically quoting the Bible. When confronted by the anchor (possibly Todd Benjamin) with the notion of turning the other cheek, creepy pro-death guy calmly short circuited as he tried to shoehorn that bromide into his kill 'em all mentality. Then he took out a cute little lamb and ate it alive. Truly stunning TV for 3 a.m.

Fox "News" took every opportunity, which meant every time someone opened his or her mouth, to talk about Williams' murder conviction, the victims' families, or the Crips. Fox had a reporter witnessing the execution. He was roughly the tenth media witness to speak, and the first to say that Williams had stared at the media section as if trying to "intimidate" them. Fox stuck to the script, man, of Tookie the monster, as if to grant clemency meant that Williams would be set free to rape white children, not simply live out his life in prison without parole.

And the most disheartening thing of all was how little was mentioned, in the cruel march to the death chamber, of how the ex-wife of one of Williams' alleged victims, Albert Owens (whose family is entirely fucked-up in conflict over the execution), called for support of Williams' efforts to redeem himself for his gang-building past: "I, Linda Owens want to build upon Mr. Williams' peace initiative. I invite Mr. Williams to join me in sending a message to all communities that we should all unite in peace. This position of peace would honor my husband's memory and Mr. Williams work."

A call for peace to honor the dead? What fuckin' country does Linda Owens think she's living in? Not in George Bush's America, where more must die in Iraq to make sure the dead are honored. And certainly not in Arnold Schwarzenegger's California.


// posted by Rude One @ 9:51 AM

he was someone's little boy, once

*Bob Marley — “Redemption Song”*

Old pirates, yes, they rob i;
Sold I to the merchant ships,
Minutes after they took i
From the bottomless pit.
But my hand was made strong
By the ’and of the almighty.
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly.
Won’t you help to sing
These songs of freedom? -
’cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
’cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? ooh!
Some say it’s just a part of it:
We’ve got to fulfil de book.

Won’t you help to sing
These songs of freedom? -
’cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs;
Redemption songs.


Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our mind.
Wo! have no fear for atomic energy,
’cause none of them-a can-a stop-a the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look?
Yes, some say it’s just a part of it:
We’ve got to fulfil de book.
Won’t you help to sing
Dese songs of freedom? -
’cause all I ever had:
Redemption songs -
All I ever had:
Redemption songs:
These songs of freedom,
Songs of freedom.

in the end, there's still that song...

i am compelled to affirm, publically, some thoughts about the grateful dead, and the remnants of what once was.

you probably already know a bit about the recent shake-up within the g.d. organization, since i posted several articles about the decision by surviving band members, to stop allowing fans to download/trade/share the many soundboards of shows which were played. through the miracle of i-tunes, one must now pay a fee to obtain the music.

to those that did not spend decades wrapped in the musical bliss this band provided, it may seem silly, or petty, that many of the fans are up-in-arms about this decision. but see, it isn't about the money. it is about watching the big, fluffy dream die, at last. personally, i don't want or need to download anything of theirs. i have more than i can ever listen to, in the remainder of my life. most of it was obtained years ago, through friends that taped shows incessantly. lots of those tapes have since been converted to cd's. i am glad to have it, and i love to hear it. but not so often now. because, to be frank, it is somewhat painful. hearing jerry's notes reminds my soul of a sorely-missed component. does that sound insane? i suppose that it does. but i gave up trying to explain my love for this band a long time ago, when my mom used to rage-on about how pointless it all was. all i know is it struck a nerve, and it felt SO good. that is why i sought it out, anytime i could, for so many years of my life. when they came to town, i saw as many of their shows as i could. and when the children were born, it waned a bit, but eventually grandma(his mom) would look after them splendidly, so that the parents could enjoy a break now and then. and we collected tapes, and bought the new releases, and the official merchandise, and always the tickets. which went up in cost considerably, through the years. we didn't care. it was worth it, to feel that spine tingle, even sans drugs. no drug could compare to that perfect, organic joy. this is not to imply that there was not occasional chemical enhancement. it had it's time, and place. but it was never a requirement, for me. the music just plain FELT good.

so many deadheads tell the same tale, about years of love and devotion. and spending money so willingly, to support this band that gave us so much happiness. these guys never set out to be rich or famous, but they most certainly achieved that status. they were always so good to their fans, because fans were a big part of who and what they were. (in positive and negative ways.) ten years ago, that big love bubble burst for me, when jerry died. but like many, i tried hard to hold out hope, that we would survive, and build something out of this massive loss. it seemed to almost work, for a time. but, for me, it was never again the same, emotionally. his sound and his passion were the cornerstone of that band, in my opinion. and seeing the newly-formed musical affiliations that popped-up only clarified that fact.

so, this latest decision by the surviving musicians was simply the final blow. it could not and it cannot ever be what it once was, for me. and i am alright with that.
because i have a heart full of memories that nothing will ever erase. and that's what i choose to hold on to.

i get that economics are a big part of the change, and that we all do what we must to carry on. but i see their decision as the ultimate slap in the face, to a bunch of folks who were incredibly devoted, and who invested not only millions of dollars, but decades of their lives, because it WAS once the ultimate symbiotic relationship.




“Stella Blue”

All the years combine, they melt into a dream,
A broken angel sings from a guitar.
In the end there’s just a song comes cryin’ up the night
Thru all the broken dreams and vanished years.
Stella blue. stella blue.

When all the cards are down, there’s nothing left to see,
There’s just the pavement left and broken dreams.

In the end there’s still that song comes cryin’ like the wind.
Down every lonely street that’s ever been
Stella blue. stella blue.

I’ve stayed in every blue-light cheap hotel, can’t win for trying.
Dust off those rusty strings just one more time,
Gonna make them shine, shine

It all rolls into one and nothing comes for free,
There’s nothing you can hold, for very long.
And when you hear that song come crying like the wind,
It seems like all this life was just a dream.
Stella blue. stella blue.

"where have all the good times gone?"

just as i was absorbing the news that pryor was gone, i heard about eugene mc carthy.

pryor changed comedy. people were afraid of the power of his words, even more than carlin's. after all, he was a filthy-mouthed BLACK man.

my mother adored mccarthy. and when lyndon johnson bowed-out, she junped out of her chair, and cheered. an eleven-year-old kid's memories.

gene mc carthy tried to change the direction we were headed, politically.
nixon prevailed. and here we are. ain't life grand?

a day in the life

on this day, a quarter of a century back... i was living on the san francisco peninsula. in a tiny place, which we were renting from a completely mad woman. i was 23 years old.

a friend and fellow music fanatic who lived nearby and i had made plans to go across the san mateo bridge, to castro valley. that is where my brother/friend was living at that time-the same dude that takes many of the photos i post here. our purpose was to go and make tapes of shows we were wanting. can you guess which band? i knew you could.

we got an early start, to get maximum music. when we arrived at brother/friend's place and parked the car, my buddy bruce asked me if i wanted to see something he had just purchased. it sounded ominous. he then pulled out a black leather case, lined in velvet. nestled in the velvety folds was a 357 magnum pistol. i was not from a gun-owning family, and this may well have been my first up-close experience with such a weapon. i then asked him why the hell he needed THAT. he said that his attorney had mentioned that it might not be a bad idea, as he lived on the border of a pretty rough neighborhood, and he also owned some incredibly high-end stereo equipment. he had earned more money than most of us, at that point. so, i guess it boiled down to paranoia over his possessions. i was pretty shocked by all of this.

nevertheless, we went inside and had a great time. we taped, and talked, and ate and smoked.
this went on for about 4 hours. after satisfying our musical and social cravings, we headed back over the bridge, and he dropped me at my friend's place. this friend and i decided we'd go downtown for pizza, and on the way, the horrible news came glaring from the car radio. then came the stunned silence. it couldn't be. but it most certainly was. i thought back to my uneasiness when i had seen bruce's gun earlier, and this solidified my disdain for guns-in-general.

the next few days and weeks were awfully sad and surreal. john lennon had been such a part of my life, from the age of 6, when my best friend and neighbor had "meet the beatles." i was hooked.

but life moved along, past those wretched days and weeks immediately following his murder. really weird times- reagan had just been elected for the first time, which was pretty fucking weird.


and then it was almost exactly 3 months later, when i got more bad news. my friend bruce, the proud owner of that 357 magnum had been killed by that very same gun. it seems that while he was recovering from some major knee surgery at his home, he and his occasional "squeeze" got into a bad argument. so bad, that she went and got his gun and shot him point-blank, as he sat in his bed, unable to flee. that was my pal bruce. the one that thought a gun would make him safe, killed by his precious weapon.

and so, today is doubly poignant to me. i still marvel at the timing of that new, shiny gun, and lennon's murder, followed closely by the murder of my friend.

back to the shack

i am here, alive and well. the weekend in san francisco was pretty much perfect.
i will write of the details at length later in the week. my best pal and i walked, talked, laughed, ate good stuff, drank some wine, and generally celebrated our wondrous friendship.i really got lucky, to have a friend like her. even after 29 years of knowing her, i am still amazed at my good fortune.

but right now i just want to get through the work week, you know?

on sunday, i remembered that frank zappa died twelve years ago, on that date. sigh.
i miss his courage and his overall brilliance, not to mention that acerbic tongue.

off to the big city

tomorrow is an exciting day, and the beginning of a big weekend.
my best sister friend is flying to san francisco from seattle. we haven't had a visit in two years, and it's long overdue.

we met during the winter of 1976/77, when we were ski lift operators at squaw valley, lake tahoe. the friendship just gets stronger. we share the things that matter, and are so connected. we will walk and talk and eat a little dim sum and have lunch at my dad's and go see my college girl and take her to lunch. and we will laugh and get completely caught-up.


she is the one who told me about this fat flush diet that i began almost a month ago. i must admit that i am fairly stoked about it.

when i went for my annual exam on tuesday, i learned that i had dropped 19 pounds since i was there in mid-october. this includes thanksgiving-time. i cannot describe the elation of hearing a number that doesn't make you want to shriek. i have dealt with being overweight for 23 years. many years. my clothes are getting baggier. and my man has told me that i feel different now. yow.

my dear friend has been enjoying similar results, and her cholesterol has dropped dramatically, which was the impetus for her to try it. i feel much healthier already. the diet isn't easy, but it's very much about cleansing, so it feels excellent.lots of fresh vegetables(especially leafy greens), protein(tofu, tempeh, fish, chicken,or beef), and large amounts of unsweetened/diluted cranberry juice. and flax seed and flax oil. no breads. no dairy products. or sugar. or alcohol, and of course exercise such as walking, pilates, etc. only 1 cup of black coffee a day. no other caffeine. i have been drinking chammomile/peppermint tea by the teapot-full at work every day. it takes discipline. but the payoff came when i got on that scale the other day. it made me want to keep going. this is cool.

i'll be back around the shack after my weekend in my home-city.
peace.

the plot thickens, via rolling stone...

Deadheads Boycott Dead
Fans object to band's live recordings being pulled from Web

Grateful Dead fans, perhaps rock's most dedicated bunch, are taking a stand against the band they love. Until recently, Deadheads could download countless live recordings of the band for free from third-party sites, including the popular Live Music Archive (archive.org), which once hosted nearly 3,000 Grateful Dead shows. All of the downloads were pulled last week at the request of Grateful Dead Merchandising (GDM), the group that handles official products for the band and is overseen by its surviving members.
Deadheads have answered in protest. In an online petition, fans have pledged to boycott GDM -- including CDs and concert tickets -- until the decision is reversed. (The band itself broke up in the wake of leader Jerry Garcia's 1995 death, but in recent years guitarist Bob Weir, bassist Phil Lesh and drummers Mickey Hart and Bill Kreutzmann have toured simply as "the Dead.")

GDM recently began selling live music downloads through its online store. The sudden lockdown could be a simple non-compete strike, or it could foreshadow a long-rumored deal with iTunes that will make the entire Grateful Dead live vault available for purchase.

Fans were incensed that the policy change applies not only to official soundboards but audience recordings as well. Throughout their four-decade career, the Grateful Dead actively encouraged fans to trade live recordings and even designated a special "taper's section" at the concerts. In return, Deadheads largely respected the band's wishes that the concert recordings weren't sold for profit.

The petition states: "Now it appears doing the right thing, for the fans, has given way to greed . . . We've lost all respect for this organization . . . We refuse to support any aspect of GDM until we see change." The petition has already picked up thousands of signatures. A kindler, gentler petition is also circulating, with nearly an additional thousand signatures.

On his blog, David Gans -- host of the syndicated radio show Grateful Dead Hour, which has drawn on the Live Music Archive for its broadcasts -- criticized the petition: "The howling has begun, and the sense of entitlement that has always concerned me is in full flower." Countering claims that the Dead are doing this to maintain "champagne-and-Porsche lifestyles," Gans mentioned that Grateful Dead Productions, the band's business wing, was recently forced to downsize. Meanwhile, fans are still permitted to trade shows, and Live Music Archive is developing a special section for streaming thousands of the band's audience recordings. "I think it's worthwhile to ask ourselves if there isn't some greed on the other side of the equation," wrote Gans, pointing to the fans.

An official statement from the Grateful Dead camp is expected in the next few days. In the meantime, longtime band publicist and spokesperson, Dennis McNally, told Rolling Stone that he thinks "David Gans' comments were dead -- you'll pardon the expression -- on."



BENJY EISEN