beautiful boy*

*check out the song lyrics*


my firstborn arrived last night

it felt like a holiday today

to me especially


an amazing man, my baby boy

his two sisters... so proud

he is big brother


(not like george orwell, although

orwell's birthday was today)


our cozy shack

now even cozier and

complete

longest day of the year

the summer solstice... check out the stonehenge party

every day gets shorter now

i was reading about the druids

then thinking about religion

all religion

and what i think is...

it sure does make a lot of folks act strangely

after a lifetime of pondering it

i have to say that to me

it seems to really do awful things to people

sometimes

to quote john lennon

"i just believe in me...and that reality"

if i had the world to give

on this "hallmark holiday"

i thought throughout the day

about you and i

how when things fell apart

and i lost her~ five months before baby aaron arrived

and there was only you, my divorced-and-single dad

left to parent and grandparent

you have done a splendid job, father-of-mine

so steadfast and loving to the children and i

from beatnik to patriarch

in one lifetime

wow

the sky is crying

(lately i think stevie ray vaughan was right)

maybe it really is crying. weeping is more accurate. up here on the north coast it's been raining most of the day today. last week there were three all-day-rainy days. lots of folks have been complaining. the thing is, lots of precipitation is an automatic up here. it always has been. however, we have had more rainfall this season than in a long, long time. gardening is a challenge so far. maybe we will have some warm weeks in september and october, and recoup some growing-time. who knows. the weather patterns have been chaotic here in the golden state over the last week or so. several earthquakes in the far-north and far-south. a tsunami north of us a few days back. one thing for sure... all of the rain has made everything just perfectly GREEN. my favorite. the tips of the redwood tree branches are nearly flourescent, and all of the ferns are curly and lush. me? i really do like the rain, and i always have. it is somehow appropriate right about now. however, it may be a rough year for tomatoes and peppers around here.

synchronicity

i feel like a proud american tonight, for several reasons.

first, the preznit's approval rating is dropping by the day. unreal. the downing street memo has gone from a slow-burning internet scoop a couple of months back to a mainstream news story, complete with televised hearings on c-span. could it be that the ship of fools has sprung a leak at last? oh, hell yes!

sometimes one can feel like the lone dissenter. i often do. and i have definitely found that there are many who sidestep discussing political topics on their blogs.
that's cool. no problem, but i want to talk about it. it's a lonely job sometimes, but it feels right for me. and rosie is a near-daily inspiration, in that regard. she kicks ass! and plenty of her blog readers give her a bad time for continually bringing up the war and the president's lies. she never caves in to the pressure. she keeps telling us to do something, be informed, and to speak out against the madness. she does not have to be doing this. many advise her not to. she is doing what she must. i can relate to that.

coincidentally, my post here at the cozy shack last evening was related to my growing disdain for apathetic attitudes about politics, as well as the importance of aqquainting oneself with the downing street memo. when i read rosie's post today, i was proud that i stuck with my personal ideals, and that i sometimes speak of the shit that it would appear some shy away from. rosie does it too, and she brought up the dsm today! WE ARE HERE indeed, and we want the real truth about this war. the families of the 1700 dead soldiers deserve truth, at the very least.

oh, i will write about less politically-charged things here, sometimes. but right now, this is where my heart is. maybe it's because way-back-when, in 2000, i had a scary vision of a future with bush 2 in charge, and he has far exceeded my worst -case-scenario. the day he "won" the first time was such a low point. then there was 9/11, then his bullshit war, then his "re-election" i have lived almost a half-century. things have never felt this out-of-control. i hate to say i told you so, but...

so, although it's a little like the kiss of death in terms of blog popularity, i will continue to speak of the things that are not necessarily popular with people.
it makes me feel proud to be an american, when i speak my mind.

when you gonna wake up?

ok.

i get that some just do not "like" politics, sort of. but lately i don't have much patience when i hear comments like: "the news is too depressing; i don't watch it much anymore" depressing indeed. there's a reason for that, people! there are things going on that go far beyond depressing. why is it wrong to want to have your eyes OPEN to the injustice and deception all around us? hey, i like distraction and fun as much as the next person, but these are times that require attention, not apathy. it's fine to have a cornucopia of interests, but one of them can be political awareness, can't it? please. there is strength in numbers. stand and be counted. be brave and speak your mind...THAT is freedom. it's not a yellow ribbon magnet, or a free flag decal from mc donalds. read the downing street memo, if you haven't already. (just click on the title of this post) boring? dear goddess, please try broadening your horizons. just a little.

when the earth moves again, my friend

tsunamis... underwater earthquakes. earthquakes have been present in my life for all of my life. that's part of being a california native, i suppose. there was only one(so far) that really made a BIG impression on me. 7.5, to be concise. it happened to be my 2nd child's 3rd birthday, october 17, 1989. i was employed in downtown santa cruz on the pacific garden mall, which isn't a mall at all, just a long street with lots of shops, restaurants, hippies, jazz trios, that sort of thing. it was almost closing time, and an "old mistake" happened into the place. long-ass story, not now. this was a bit uncomfortable, to say the least. he attempted to talk to me, and i kept busy with my work, trying like hell to avoid any conversation. there were a few other people in the place. then, at 5:04 p.m., things got crazy. all of the glass in the place began to shake, as did the floors, walls, everything. the rumble was unreal. like a roar. people were looking into each others faces, hoping to find an easy answer for what was happening. but there was no time for eye contact. the walls and roof were coming down fast. i remember yelling "im outta here!" i barely remember the mad dash for the door, but everyone made it out to the streets, which were insane-beyond-belief. buildings crumbling, sidewalks literally cracking open. up and down the street, fire alarms, sprinkler systems, sirens, screaming and yelling. panic. i stood on the hemorrhaging sidewalk, next to the last person i ever wanted to see, and i told him i wasn't gonna die with him, goddamn it! we surfed the cement amid the total mayhem, and i really wondered if i'd be getting out of this one alive.
then it stopped. but the noise was unending. then, the crowds of people that were downtown ... just walking around in absolute shock. hardly anyone driving. just wandering around the streets, aimlessly. like night of the living dead or something. i managed to slip away from that person i desperately needed to be away from. since i ran out of my work in a bit of a hurry that day, i lost my purse, as well as my daughter's birthday gifts. i had picked them up at lunch that day.(at "cotton tales"-just down the street.) my car keys were in my purse. there was nothing left of the building i worked in, or countless of the other buildings downtown. i finally got a ride with a friend out to my kids later that night. luckily, they were both safe with their dad. that was the greatest mother-and-child-reunion ever, i think. i recall laying on the ground outside that night, just feeling grateful that things were calmer. somewhat calmer. the aftershocks lasted for weeks though. i gained immense respect for "our mother" that day. the tsunami warning last night brought back some of that familiar feeling in me. But it was short-lived. just a reminder, that mother earth is always in control. no matter how powerful we may think we are, we are no match. respect your mother!

don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows

if i were mj i would go all howard hughes and live out my days on a private atoll somewhere in the south pacific. away from everything and everyone, forever. far away from all that created and destroyed him in one short lifetime. to me, it is all fucking sad. every aspect of it.

in other news: arnold will be toast soon, in my opinion. maybe then he will go away and leave "cullifornia" alone. i can dream, right? howard dean crazy? you bet your ass he is---crazy like a fox. watch and learn. i have a glimmer of hope, i swear i do.

what is the actual deal with "blog cliques?" not sure i can grasp the concept. are these people who were maybe NOT popular or whatever in (real-time) life? i am quite curious about this phenomenon. me? i was born a misfit, been one all my life. fitting into anything too terribly mainstream makes me nervous. needless to say, i don't think i fit into the mainstream blogosphere very well. oh well. i tried to be social, post a comment here-and-there and introduce myself. maybe i'm still not cool. and that, dear friends is why i'm a deadhead!

i write here because i like to put my thoughts down somewhere. the thoughts vary. sometimes weird, or incredibly boring. other days they're rebellious and angry.
or just plain sad. i want to be honest in my writing. true-to-me, you know? so much cheaper than therapy.

time to listen to diana krall and let my college girl brush my hair. a rare delight.

(good night moon!)

don't interrupt the sorrow

love is always there

even when happiness is absent

that's a good thing to keep in mind

i have decided to stop expecting happiness to be ever-present

i read somewhere today that americans are "in a bad mood" politically speaking

~his~ approval rating is at 43% now and i wonder-

how can there even be 43% of people still believing in this guy (anywhere?)

1,700 americans have died in this war (as of today)

the number of iraqi people killed is an ongoing mystery

but rest assured, it is monumental

these are the things that mess with my mind some days

and embracing the sorrow i feel seems like the least i can do

for the thousands who have lost their lives

in this war-with-no-clear-exit-strategy

that is why i have a sticker on my bumper that reads:

F U G W B

i never wanted to feel that way about my president

but alas, i most certainly do...






truth goes up in vapors
the steeples lean
winds of change patriarchs
snug in your bible belt dreams
god goes up the chimney
like childhood santa claus
the good slaves love the good book
a rebel loves a cause

(joni mitchell)

attics of my life

a comfortable sort of melancholy occupies me today.

what's it all mean?

my children are not children anymore.

my ex's do not live in texas, unfortunately.

i don't care if g and i ever marry. i like it just like this.

my country is not the place i thought it was, nor is this state.

my friends and i are aging rapidly. it happened with lightning speed.

i love falling asleep to the sound of the chilly winds swirling outside.

another post will follow this tomorrow, with any luck.


"in the attics of my life, full of cloudy dreams unreal"

freaking freely

tuna was HOT last weekend. had "modern thai" for dinner pre-show, at a little place called ~sea~. i had red pumpkin curry, with a martini cucumber salad for starters. tasty, tasteful food. when we walked into the mystic and settled in, i felt a massive wave of comfort immediately roll over me. it felt like "here is my tribe-- here they all are!" it was a joy to be around the freaks for an evening. saw a few familiar faces, then proceeded to soak up the sound i'd been craving. the 1st set was acoustic and the 2nd set was rip-roaring electric. "i wish you would" tore the roof off the place. we loved it. being away was great fun for the man and i. it was even more fun getting back home the next day. we watched our girl sing that night, in her last choral concert of the 7th grade. beautiful.

the next night, i was interviewed by phone for a "podcast" on closet deadhead. it is to be broadcast in the next month. too funny! apparently the gentleman who runs the site, sam whitmore found my blog entry about "the birth of the aiko's", liked it, and asked me if i wanted to be a part of a future podcast. i was surprised and flattered. the interview was lots of fun. we just yakked, and he asked me questions about the story on my blog. he does a fine job of it. the whole idea/concept of "closet deadhead" is perfect. because really, we all are. it's not for everyone, never tried to be, and being a deadhead is often a sadly misunderstood thing. i gave up trying to "explain" it a long time ago. or as jerry once said... "it's like black licorice. some people don't like black licorice, but those that do REALLY REALLY like it!"... or something like that. anyway, i will post a link to it when the show is up on the closet deadhead page. it feels good to acknowledge and be true to who and what you are, even when much of mainstream society doesn't understand it or like it.

"there is a road, no simple highway, between the dawn and the dark of night. and if you go, no one may follow. that path is for your steps alone."

time out from whoever you are

tomorrow my man and i are going to see music together, and then stay at a nearby hotel that is 140 years old and fully renovated. we rarely get away from the day-to-day, but are trying harder to do these things now and then. it always reminds us that we really can have fun together, and not just work all the time. the youngest kid will stay at a pal's house tomorrow night. college kid is in seattle now, visiting a friend who attends college there. and when we awaken on monday, we will not be jumping up for work! instead, we will have a little breakfast and some coffee together and head over to see our friend who just had quadruple bypass surgery. that will be hard in some ways, but important for all of us. then a quick hello with his dad in tiburon, because we will then need to zoom homeward for the youngest child's final choral concert that evening. always well worth the two hours on those oh-so-hard bleachers! i haven't seen jorma kaukonen and jack casady for about 10 years, and am really looking forward to it. that, and some time away with my love.

my silent scream

yesterday, i sent my boss an email. the decision to do this was based on much forethought, and several drafts. the email's sole purpose was to ask for a raise.
for me, the 47-year old receptionist and administrative assistant. the one who has had the job for three solid years, with not a single review or the mention of a raise. i like my job quite a lot. it is always interesting, and i get to be in my own little world much of the time. i work hard for this company, and i enjoy it. but i want and deserve better pay than i am getting. this is fairly standard procedure at this company. in other words, it's always a head game getting a raise there, for all of it's employees. or as my mom used to say, "like pulling teeth!"

and the reason we workers put up with this treatment is that the job selection and availability here in our little corner of paradise is less-than-optimum. so people do what they must to live in this amazing place we call home. my job is great because there are never weekends to work, which is perfect for me, the mama. it also offers dental and health care benefits, a 401-k plan, and so on. and i enjoy the people i work with a great deal, almost all the time!

but the honest truth is: money talks. in fact, it sometimes SCREAMS. and i need to make more. because i am an attribute to my boss, my co-workers, and the company itself. (now i am sounding like stuart smalley on s.n.l. ... "because i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!!)

anyway, today my boss came into my office and brought up my email. i could tell that she has made this speech many times over the course of the 30 years she has been in business. she told me that she appreciated the tone of the email, and that it must have been tough to do. (um, no, not really-because it is a reasonable request!) she then pointed out that i am among several in the company at this time who are looking for a pay raise. and? so what. the company does well. that is how it has survived 30+ years in an extremely competitive industry. she then said that my request would be "addressed" by the end of the next pay period, and not the one that ends this sunday. so, time will tell. but you know what? i still wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. because i have given a lot of myself to that place, despite the fact that i lose out on a hell of a lot with my children and my darling. and all i am asking for is to be treated with respect and dignity. oh, and i need to earn enough money to live. that's always nice. these are the times when i feel like a hamster in a wheel, running-like-hell to get nowhere.

but... i still have the pacific ocean as my front yard. my "commute" takes 15 minutes, and there is no traffic during the week on highway one. i am surrounded by redwoods, douglas fir, cypress, and apple trees, blackberries, huckleberries, and more. beauty is everywhere. i am blessed in countless ways. my children have been happy here. life could be so much worse, it's true.

but i still want a raise.

shameless agitator

good evening.... (in my best hitchcock voice) i have noticed that it is none-too-easy to just whip up a fresh post here on a daily basis. so i will do it as frequently as i see fit. my fantasy is to have the sort of time required to sit and write to my heart's content-every day. i'm a dreamer alright!

one of my co-workers gave me a funny little present today. it is a pin which reads:"i am a shameless agitator" and you know, it's true. i am. always have been. maybe it was catholic school? not sure, although both of my parents were outspoken about their political beliefs. i cannot see myself being any other way, especially right now. but the truth is, i did not WANT to be an agitator at this point in my life. in my mid-forties, i was ready for the cruise control to kick in. kids getting bigger, some even growing up. i wanted to exhale, so to speak.

i moved to this incredible place with my true soul mate and the kids. it was july 2001. we were all so happy to land here, and it took lots of hard work. we were just settling into jobs and schools when september 11th happened. once again, we were so glad that this is where we lived, through those bleak and scary days that followed. but it all changed, inside of us...forever. then, little by little, that inner-agitator was awakened. and ready for the struggle. and i always will be. i want peace, justice, and equality for all people, not just the ones who believe in the "correct" religion, whatever that may be. i have opposed war since i was old enough to comprehend what the word meant. i worked for peace in junior high, after school, when vietnam was the country we were waging war in. it felt like something i had to do. i marched in a huge peace march in san francisco, at the age of 14.

my inner agitator lay semi-dormant for quite a while, through raising my kids and being in business, and so on. i calmed down considerably. no more. although i sometimes wish with all my heart that i could just "not think so much", and have a stronger denial system in place. it's just not me. i need to be true to myself and stand up for what i believe. so thanks for the pin, randy. (oh, and you GO, mark felt!! a true patriot.)

hey now~the sudden birth of the aikos

the story that follows is one of many that clog my head as i get older. it was suggested by my dearest darling that i tell some of the tales here, and so i shall. i have no pre-conceived notions about what i am to write here... i just like to write, because it feels real good.

in november of 1979, at the tender age of 22,i was plotting my escape from the peninsula to marin county. in my then-typical spontaneous, escapist manner, i agreed to go on a wild ride (by plane) to san diego. the grateful dead were playing two nights at the golden hall and then a night at pauley pavilion at u.c.l.a. i would accompany my newly-found pal,jimmy.we were introduced by a mutual friend just a month before, and we were fast friends. it was almost sibling-like,immediately, and to this day, he remains one of the closest friends i have ever had the pleasure of knowing. we were never involved in the physical sense, which was mighty rare for that era.

also up for the adventure was mike, who would later answer to either rickey bewah-from-chicasaw,OR mean mister mustard. miss martha was going too. these three had been friends since high school, and i was the "new kid." jimmy worked at the hyatt in san francisco as a chef back then, and since that's where he was the night before our trip, he sent his dad and i on a mission to marin, to get some herb for the getaway. that was a most unique experience, with a non-pothead older gentleman. but his dad was (and is) one of a kind. he is one of those people, that has the total knack for making you feel welcome and as though you matter. always. unless he just plain does not like you. anyway, tony and i crossed the golden gate from the city, and met up with a friend of mine in marin, then back to s.f. to pick jim up from work. on the way there, i lit up a spliff and offered him a puff. he STILL remembers that car ride! what a sport he was, and is.

we stayed at jim and tony's house that night, and tony drove us to the airport early the next day. we were so excited, just to be going. the four of us made our way to the back of the plane, and settled in. being the young and crazed kids we all were, we ordered-up some gin and tonics. then something really amazing occured. (amazing to us rabid, young dead heads, anyway!) we looked up toward the nose of the plane, and walking down the aisle toward us, were jerry, bobby, and billy. as i recall, mickey, brent and phil were not on this particular flight. i think that mickey was riding down with the roadies and the sound equipment. i can only imagine what our faces must have looked like to these guys, as they approached our row. we were stunned and speechless. when bill went by us, he stuck out his arms and said "here we are!!" in a sarcastic tone.that was classic. we attempted to stay calm (the gin helped a bit), as they took their seats a couple of rows in front of us.

once we were in the air, jim and i noticed jerry adjusting his air flow nozzle above his head, with the hand that had the partial finger, which had been severed in a childhood wood-chopping accident in ben lomond, i think. jim wanted so badly to take a photo, and was about to, but i stopped him. i was trying desperately to remain respectful to these guys who got bugged everywhere they went. in retrospect, it would be sort of nice to have that picture now. but i was worried about being more obvious than we already were, in our dead shirts and velvet coats and so on. when we got to san diego, our friend mark was there to meet us. he looked rather surprised when we all got off that plane behind it's famous occupants. on the way to get our bags, bobby asked martha for a light(hard to believe there was really a time when people smoked in airports, on airplanes, etc.), and we took that opportunity to hand out our newly-printed aiko aiko business cards. bobby said..."hmmmm...the aiko people, huh?" iko iko was a cover tune they had been doing over the course of the previous year. jim was doodling one night, while listening to "sing me back home", and he drew the egyptian eye that he had seen on mickey's drum in recent months. the dead had been to egypt the year before, to play beneath the great pyramid/giza. the eye design was cool, and the obvious typo could have happened on purpose, but we may never know! anyway, we all liked it, and since we were silly kids, we had business cards made. and we took lots and lots of them to san diego.

mark drove us to the place in san diego that we were all going to stay for the next couple of nights. it was the home of some friends i had known at lake tahoe a few years before. they had said i was welcome to stay there if i ever got down that way, so i took them up on it, eventually accompanied by about 10 other people. some even slept out in the back yard. they were incredibly hospitable, despite the tie-dye invasion. i did sort of loose touch with dan and casey after that weekend, though. (go figure!)

the first night the band played, we plane travelers were still vibrating with excitement, due to our unexpected and fun plane ride. we had to sneak the tape deck in back then, as taping was not yet endorsed and encouraged by the band. it was a nakamichi deck, much larger than the sony d5's that came along later. we were so sure that they would play "iko iko" in our honor that night. guess what? they didn't. they did, manage to tease us mercilessly, or so we thought, with "not fade away."

after the show, we were all buzzing with that special energy you always felt after a dead show. we went up to a balcony overlooking the concourse below, where everyone was streaming out of the concert, and we dropped down some aiko cards.those nutty deadheads got all excited, examining them, and buzzing about them. we were loving it, because we were young and wild.

then we went up the elevator in the parking garage, where our cars were, and we decided to relax a bit, before driving. always a good idea to get one's bearings first, you know? we stayed in that garage for a couple of hours, playing the tapes of the show. the music echoed so beautifully in all of that cavernous cement around us. we also enjoyed the hell out of an elevator ride or two...! i often wonder how we got away with some of the crazy stuff we did. but we did.

it was a most magical beginning to a valuable long-term friendship with my aiko brother, jim. since that time, there have been marriages, divorces, children, deaths, great changes among "all my aikos" but our friendship survives, because it was born in the spirit of true adventure. we saw that in each other and we gravitated toward it immediately, because it's hard to find.

life is unkind...

" you fall but you keep getting up over and over and over..."

ah, chrissie hynde. the pretenders were fun, that evening at the greek in 1984. i recall arriving much later then i wanted to, because i was then married to husband numero uno, and he has made it his life's work to be late for anything you can imagine being late for-not that i am any prize when it comes to timeliness,but comparatively, i could even be called punctual!

today was weird, in a never-ending series of weird days, i suppose. i want to love my fellow man, but some days are tougher than others. some days everyone seems(to me)
like those bizarre - seeming people in woody allen's b&w films... the people on the subway, you know? it feels like people could care less anymore about much of anything of substance. i mean, does it always have to be about the weather, or dogs, or baseball players? it just feels fake as hell. and i have grown weary of fakeness. it wouldn't seem so awful, if they would just once say "hey, i'm afraid for my future and my children's future, and this president is the WORST PRESIDENT EVER." fuck. does anyone read? even mainstream media can't totally hide the mess these creeps are making anymore. well, not completely anyway. It's really hard to feel like I am the only soul who is genuinely worried about any sort of a happy future in this country.
well then, leave you say? in my most wonderful dreams, you had better believe it.
if there is a way to do it, we will. but we want the youngest child to finish school here first. and then I think of my father. he is now 70...I can't imagine bailing and not getting to see him consistently. I mean, sometimes only 3 or 4 times a year, but still. I am closer to that guy then I ever imagined I could be, as a kid, adolescent, even young adult. I am glad that we got that chance, and that is why I end up reconsidering "the great escape" to b.c., or ummmm... polynesia! I am not proud of what my country-of-birth has become. it is painful to watch this happen. and that is why it was another weird day. if it weren't for my children and family.... I swear I would flee.


daughter-at-college wants me to help get some of her stuff on friday, and I want nothing more than to assist. it would be my great pleasure to do so. asking for time off is always uncomfortable at my workplace. that's because there is no one in place to cover me efficiently-ever. it always requires 3-4 people to take turns, as they all have other jobs in the place. so lame and SO frustrating. but what the hell, I am going to ask for a half-day off on friday. she is well worth whatever crap they put out. grrrrrrrr


younger daughter thinks I suck right now. she could be right, I have no doubt. but then, when you're 13, your parents DO suck, right? I try so hard to go back and recall how it all felt. and that's no easy task, as it was light years ago! she is a great kid too, just like all of my lovely offspring!


time to finish chores like sud-busting and setting up coffee for the inevitable work morning ahead. my darling already did the recycling and garbage chore. lots of mosquitoes already this year, after so much rain all winter. remember when mosquito bites only meant itchy bumps, not a deadly virus? oh oh, I feel yet another rant coming on... tomorrow's another day. maybe it won't seem as weird. oh well, you know what h.s.t. used to say-"when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." true,dat!

goin' where the wind don't blow so strange...

what do you think of my pet theory that people act stranger when it's
windy out there? i like to believe that it could be true. i've always sort of liked the wind, even when my asthma does not. it feels like the earth has a thing or two to say. oh, and it was great for sailing, the wind. sailing is a favorite memory of mine.

today my love and i came home from work to a welcome phone message. kp made it through his bypass procedure, and is in recovery. whew. we are so relieved, and thankful. the tough part lies ahead, i have no doubt. but he will have help, lucky for him. we talked to him on the phone last night, and i told him i would come as close to praying for him as i could, and i did. and that IS saying something, for this recovering catholic girl! my eyes kept getting teary, all day long. i love my friends.

more welcome news... the republicans lost more than they won today, in regard to the judicial nominations, and the monkey king's ratings continue to plummet. i also saw a
a report that californian's driving habits have not changed in the least, even though gas costs roughly 3 bucks a gallon. not surprising, since cars and driving are practically a religion in this state and elsewhere. but to be NOT modifying your gas usage habits in any way seems beyond selfish. i am so weary of selfishness, glutony, greed, and all the denial it requires to live in that way. hey, but at least they support the troops. deep sigh.

elder daughter called me on her cell phone from where the web cam is today, on campus. that was too cute. she will be done with finals on wednesday, and may just try to fit everything in her car and head home. she has most everything packed in boxes already. it would appear she is in a bit of a hurry to be gone-ya think? she will be glad to be back here, until the sheer boredom sets in, that is! younger daughter had her pal bing over after school today. cool kid, and a great jazz drummer as well. younger daughter is going to help me learn more about building my blog this weekend, thankfully. links and photos are coming soon. until then there is only my boring chatter.

it should prove to be a very unique summer around these parts. my 23 year old son is
wanting to come up here from santa cruz and spend a few weeks to a month, and get a job here in town, and save more money for his relocation effort to berkeley or oakland. he is considering giving notice at his current job in the next few weeks. i am so incredibly thrilled about this news. what's that? i must be nuts?...our shack is so small with just the 2 adults and 1 child. add the college kid AND the son and wow---not much room. especially with just one little bathroom. it will require patience, that is true. but it would be incredible to have our little family ALL together again. when the son left to live with his father in 1997, the girls were 5 and 11.(he was 15) they all missed out on a lot together. it was almost like a death, when he moved away. painful to recall, but we all made it through. and he is an amazing man. weird to call him that. i love my kids.

another day on the planet. glad that kp is still with us. and that my aiko brutha quit cigs! keep on visualizing the downfall of baby bush...it's working! check out the new willie nelson "album"...it's reggae, with toots (toots and the maytals) on it, among other folks.

you never know

if truth be told, the previous post was done yesterday, but as i anticipated, i am struggling to grasp all of the concepts of this blogger shit, so after a bit of hand-wringing and teeth-knashing,i am trying again. suffice it to say, i have a long way to go in terms of all-things-technical here. i started it because i need a place to put my "stuff", during these sketchy, spooky times. i just want to write it down, that's what it's all about, for me. anyway...

howzabout that laura bush and the warm reception she got in israel and gaza? she is really a fence-mender, that one! i bet they'll love her just as much in egypt, eh?
what a total joke. "my heart hurts", to quote bart simpson.

my dear aiko brother james called a while back with some unpleasant info. our pal kp is to have a quadruple bypass operation tomorrow. wtf, man? a definite kick-in-the-head. this getting older stuff is tricky. g-man and i are both in a sad sort of shock
right now. maybe because we actually met due to our mutual friendship with kp in the summer of 1990. there is considerable history there, over the last two decades, so it hits home for both he and i. over the course of the last ten years, there are many things that kp and i have disagreed on, but the love is always there. that and the respect for the fine times we had the luck to share together. so i'm sending a shout out to my homey, kp! "they" say that bypass operations are much more successful and survive-able, as compared to 20 or 30 years ago. but it is awful news, nonetheless. so... i must make plans to venture down to the city to see him sometime during the week ahead. and move my college-kid home for the summer on friday. life goes on and on and on...

as for today, it is the first sunday without rain in weeks here on the coast, and i think that some time outside in the spring sun, with my hands in the dirt--- that may be just where i need to be, now.

My World And Welcome To It

you know that moment... when you're about to jump or dive from high-up there
atop a rock, or a diving board? and you think that perfect thought that finally persuades you to plunge? that is what occured today, and now here it is, the first post on the first blog. yikes. i am certain i will blunder through things here in my sometimes clumsy manner.
it's just that the time has come to get some things said. there is far too much water under the confounded bridge to stay silent anymore. so bear with me, friends and strangers. i'm a beginner, but i'm also a fast learner.

all of my life, i have been told that i "think too much." maybe so. blogging may be just the ticket for one who is afflicted in this way. we shall definitely see about that. there is a growing rage within me, and it cannot be denied. i aim to speak out, and stand up, and voice my dissent about what is being done to people and to countries in my name. if more and more of us will step outside of our various "safety zones", and if we speak the truth out loud, and if we don't back down,
then maybe we can all feel happy and free again some day. right now it feels like the weight of the world on top of my heart. does anybody else feel like that? losing hope is a frightening thing, and i am going to fight to prevent that from happening.

this week, my heroes are george galloway and rosie o'donnell. (yes, an interesting pairing) they inspire me to make my one little fed-up voice heard. if more and more people will wake up and step up, we could quite possibly change things for the better, and get our country back. the way i see it.... what the fuck do we have to lose, at this point? (we can change the world; rearrange the world-it's starting... to get better)

thanks for listening, and stay tuned.