This time, I will write whatever the hell I want. For no one in particular... Just to set some thoughts free. Last time, the blogosphere became just another sort of clique.
So much of my life has been social. I liked it that way. In fact, there is an old family tale about my early interest in people. We had a wonderful babysitter named Colantha. She looked after my brother and me when I was 3-4 years old, while my dad was getting his master's degree and my mother was working. One day, when it was our nap time, a friend of Colantha's came by for a cup of coffee. I apparently heard the chatter of the two women, and snuck into the hallway to listen-in. Before long, I was caught snooping. Colantha scolded me, saying: "Anne, what are you doing? This is none of your business! I replied: "People ARE my business!!" And that pretty much describes me for about the next 40 years. I thrived on knowing lots of people, which kept me happily distracted. My old pal Jim even referred to me as the social director, and called it my "real job."
Somewhere over the course of the last ten years, that changed drastically. Blame it on menopause, my eye-opening job at Thanksgiving Coffee, or the disappointment in one too many long-term friendships. The fact is, I now thrive in solitude and adore the beautiful silence of our Hawaiian hideaway. Sometimes days go by, and I see no one but my beloved. There was a time when that scenario was my worst nightmare. No more. It's beneficial for introspection, writing, and just being.
Especially these days, when I am trying to come to terms with the death of my complicated, beautiful father, and the various intricacies of my grown children's lives.
I can't let myself get pulled into popularity contests anymore. I admit that this is no easy task for someone like me, who has spent far too much of her life worrying over what people might think. After all, life is so fleeting, so ultimately insignificant in the great scheme of it all.
5 comments:
You do need a bit of a thick skin to blog, especially if you dip your toes into anything approaching political arguments because you will always get people who disagree with you which it seems is why many bloggers shy away from putting their true feelings out there.
It's good to be real, no matter the outcome.
I find blogging to be far more satisfying when I don't worry about offending people, and say what I want. My skin has gotten thicker, these last few years!
I like the peace and quiet of blogging. It takes time and consideration to put together a post. There is no hurry, just an idea and the right words. The social networking world of instant communication all the time seems not to enhance our skills, but deaden them to quips and 140 character self-important banter.
I like stories and dreams and the time it takes to tell them. I'm glad you're back to blogging, annie.
Enjoy your island quiet times.
love ya
Aloha!
See ya real soon, pal-o-mine.
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