who knows where the time goes?

another birthday, way-back-when. that's my little brother.

today i celebrate #49, in a series.

i have much to be thankful for.

not the least of which is YOU!

cheers.

gonzo

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

Hunter S. Thompson

after the garden is gone

it's a just-released neil video, with some powerful pictures.

i just can't help myself

paul krassner made me laugh today.

it's a bit vulgar.

sorry.

Take A Vacation, Fall Out For Awhile

another flashback. the high country of yosemite. twenty-six years back. lying on a giant slab of granite by the river. (i was multi-tasking, old-school style!)

last week, i spent a little time with the man that took this picture. both of us were at his mother's house, saying farewell to our now-grown daughter.(pictured below) we haven't been married since 1988.

for a dancer

older daughter in 1992, when she was a ballerina in santa cruz.

"Into a dancer you have grown
From a seed somebody else has thrown
Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own
And somewhere between the time you arrive
And the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive
But youll never know"

jackson browne

she is mighty

camp winnarainbow 2006

stop this world

better days this girl has known...san francisco, 1958.


"Stop This World"
(Written by Mose Allison/Covered splendidly by Diana Krall)

Stop this world, let me off
There's just too many pigs in the same trough
There's too many buzzards sitting on the fence
Stop this world, it's not making sense

Stop this show, hold the phone
Better days this girl has known
Better days so long ago
Hold the phone, won't you stop the show

Well, it seems my little playhouse has fallen down
I think my little ship has run aground
I feel like I'm in the wrong place
My state of mind is a disgrace

Won't you stop this game, deal me out I know too well what it's all about
I know too well that it had to be
Stop this game well it's ruining me

Well I got too smart for my own good
I just don't do the things I know I should
There's bound to be some better way
I just got one thing more to say

And that is
Stop this game, deal me out I know too well what it's all about
I know too well that it had to be
Stop this game well it's wrecking me
-----------
that about covers it. i took my older daughter to the bay area yesterday, and she flew away to boulder. she'll be there until next spring. the quiet grief is indescribable. i am learning to let go-i have done it before. i can't say i like it much. the pain of love is like nothing else.

the kid had to throw things away at the airport early this morning.(water bottle and a jar of mendocino mustard!)what a day to fly. she made it to denver, safe and sound.

cynical me can't help but notice that this heightened terror alert coincides with the continued failure of this administration in every way possible. so much war and mayhem. "quick! let's remind them that they are always vulnerable; they NEED us!"

just remember... "be vigilant!"

stop this world, indeed

You Are A Cedar Tree

You are elegant yet unpretentious, modest yet vivacious. Attractive and friendly, you are full of imagination but might lack passion. You abhor vulgar people, and you don't like anything in excess. You have little more ambition than to live a calm life and enjoy nature. You create a content, peaceful atmosphere for others.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

(thanks, taza!)

everett, washington

august 1995. she was 8. he was 13. it was turning out to be a bit of a rough month for their(closet deadhead) mother. the kids and i had a trip planned to see my pal. she lives north of seattle. a 5th grade teacher. the sort of a teacher that parents dream of, for their children. a perfect friend since she was 20 and i was 19... marshall tucker band. beaches on the west shore of the lake. operating a chair lift, all winter-long. cream cheese and green onion enchilada feasts. that kind of friend.

the kids and i were to fly to seattle on august 9th. the big day came. awake early, i answered the phone when it rang at a surprisingly early hour. my friend tim was on the line. "have you heard?" i had not heard much so far that day. the television was not on. the next thing tim said was: "jerry died in his sleep."
long silence. that moment felt a lot like when you were a kid, and you'd fall from a swing, landing hard on your belly. a big thump. no air. no obvious way in which to find any air. just that quiet, desperate gasp.

i don't think we said much, after that. i hung up the phone. off to the airport, and to the nearest news stand. that part was surreal, approaching the wall of newspapers. there was jerry garcia's picture on all the front pages. weird. who would have thought, in the beginning, that he'd be front page news? we all settled in for the quick flight to seattle. i began reading the various accounts, assumptions, and tributes to this man. just a man, after all. it began to sink in then, maybe.

the visit was many fine things. my son got his blonde hair died blue. his big wish finally happened, after months of asking. funny. he got bored with it fast, and couldn't wait for it to wash out.

we had waited months for this trip. i can't describe how strange i felt all that week. shock, i suppose. we did cool stuff. toughed it out. (my specialty.)
we were still in the northwest when jerry's giant memorial took place in golden gate park. at the time, it seemed perfectly okay to miss it. something i'd regret.


life has moved on. the kids in the above photo are adults now. the friend who called to tell me that garcia died was dead less than a year later. i miss him.
and i still miss jerry.

the countdown begins

a month from right now... we will be on the big island. this was kalapana, which i enjoyed a great deal with my (little) son the last time i was there. that was in 1984, and both kilauea and mauna loa were erupting simultaneously! eventually, the lava took kalapana over.

more morford

Lick My Silent Sports Car
How much has Big Auto lied? Take a drive in this four-wheel electric orgasm, and find out
- By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Wednesday, August 2, 2006



Oh my God do they ever lie.

All of them: Big Auto, Big Oil, BushCo, Pennzoil and Havoline and Saudi Arabia and crusty Alaska Senator Ted Stevens and the oil lobbyists and lackey scientists working for the Department of Energy and all the rest, on down the line and right up to your garage door.

Lie lie lie lie lie like evil little ratdogs because they are, after all, corporate greedmonkeys and war profiteers and duplicitous oil-sucking cretins (is that too polite?) who would eat their own mother's heart for a notable uptick in share/barrel price. Nevertheless, it's always a bit of a jolt when you see it all up close and personal and they basically rub it in your face.

Just look. Look over here. It's a new sports car. It's a new sports car that looks deliciously like a Lotus Elise and reportedly drives like Michael Schumacher's wet dream and goes from zero to 60 in about four seconds with so much torque and freakishly instantaneous power it makes the gods swoon.

This car, it has a top speed of 130 mph. It has a range of 250 miles. It also has GPS navigation and air-conditioning and air bags and it surely will come with a very badass sound system. It has heated seats and (I presume) iPod integration and Bluetooth. You know, just like a real car.

Oh, and by the way, this car? It's completely silent. It is 100-percent emissions-free. Doesn't even have a tailpipe. Because it has no internal combustion engine of any kind.

It's not a hybrid. It's pure electric, powered by a "3-phase, 4-pole AC induction motor," which I'm sure is rather impressive if you know what the hell it means. But it means one thing for certain: The only oil in this car is in the buffing fluid for the leather seats.

It's called the Tesla Roadster, unveiled just recently to a gaggle of giddy auto peeps in Santa Monica and coming to an elite showroom in about a year for around the price of a Porsche 911.

That's right, it's not a prototype. Not some eccentric inventor's crazy basement fantasy. It's a real car. Street legal, drivable, gorgeous, available soon. The Tesla guys have already earned their share of press, given how they managed to wrangle millions in backing from the Google boys (among others). Rumor has it that the Guvernator himself, after going for a test drive during last week's press day, has already placed his order for one of the little luxo speedsters, presumably to feed to his fleet of rabid Hummers.

Did I mention the Roadster costs about 80K? Who cares? The price is irrelevant. The fact that this car even exists in such a pure and obvious and performance-oriented form, does. Simply put, it is the most flagrant proof yet that we have been brutally, savagely misled.

See, they lie. And they've been lying for years, decades. They lie about how difficult it is to replace the internal combustion engine. They lie about how unfeasible it is to eliminate auto emissions without sacrificing real performance (the 130-mph Roadster's lithium-ion battery system is estimated to be twice as efficient as a Prius and three times as efficient as a hydrogen fuel cell. Not to mention Tesla's fabulous solar option).

But they lie, most of all, about how much we still require foreign oil, because these billion-dollar corporations claim they can't possibly afford to develop sufficiently advanced technology in your lifetime to create a 100-percent emissions-free, oil-free, ultragreen vehicle that still has all the comforts and performance of a regular car.

Nice pipe dream, they say. Here, have a bloated SUV, they say. Sorry about all your dead kids in Iraq, they add, smirking like a chimp and blowing their noses into a big pile of Halliburton profits.

Did you already know? Did part of you suspect that we could be, if we were directing our country's massive resources at all correctly, already mass-producing the technology that could quickly wean us from our dependence on foreign petroleum?

Did you already calculate that if even a fraction of the $300 billion -- a truly staggering amount -- we've wasted on BushCo's failed and disgusting war could have gone to revolutionizing our nation's energy infrastructure (like, say, funding large-scale development of the Roadster's technology), instead of annihilating a pip-squeak nonthreatening nation over its oil reserves while simultaneously serving as the most successful terrorist-recruitment poster in world history, the United States could be considered the epicenter of integrity and invention once again? Of course you did.

But oh wait. Such an obvious, lucid redirection of resources and ideology would require someone with true vision in the White House. Someone with integrity. And intelligence. And fearlessness. And an articulate understanding of complex ideas. And a Congress to match. Never mind.

I know, it's not exactly a new story. Just go see "Who Killed the Electric Car?" for proof of how corporate greed eats innovation like so many CornNuts. Then go see "An Inconvenient Truth" for a story of brutal denial and sheer idiocy among the political and corporate elite. Then rent "The Corporation" to see how social responsibility ranks right up there with modest golden parachutes on the list of U.S. corporate values (though that may finally be changing, given the undeniable business woes caused by global warming). Voilá America in a nutshell.

But Tesla is different. They're an independent company. They don't have to answer to the Bush or ExxonMobil or GM. Indeed, its execs say that any sales of the pricey sports car will help propel its core technology even further and maybe create an economy of scale to make mass production of regular cars much more feasible.

In other words, screw the monoliths; enthrall the wealthy individual enthusiasts first, sex up the media with cool pictures and dazzling performance, prove you can make serious profits with green technology and the big corporations will have to follow.

Sure, why not? Why couldn't the Roadster's ideal combo of sexiness and performance and entrepreneurial grit trickle down to the consumer mind-set and generate some fanatical buzz, force some change, help take us back to a culture where true innovation and radical thinking aren't considered a threat (sorry, GOP) but rather the mark of a vital and thriving country?

Hell, mass-produce that Roadster motor and toss it in a nice little Audi TT or even a Ford Focus, slow it down a little and add a trunk and slice the price by 60 percent and advertise it as zero pollution and zero trips to the gas pump and a big throbbing middle finger to Saudi Arabia and BushCo and distended world-humpers like this guy, and watch the eager throngs line up.

Of course, these cars do need one thing to juice their love: electricity. Which we are, at over 100 global-warmed degrees all over the nation last week, straining like mad to produce in sufficient amounts to keep our air conditioners cranked to stave off the dire heat problems created, ironically, by all those years of lying. But hey, one massive ecological crisis at a time, you know?


----------------

life may be sweeter for this

jerry's birthday

this is a spunky version of the jerry garcia band,
doing "run for the roses"
happy birthday, jer.

you are missed.

just a saint of circumstance

near crater lake, oregon. early summer of 1980.

the beer was a "bohemian."

of course.

you say tomato

insalata pomodoro calabrese


ingredients:
medium ripe but firm tomatoes
sweet onions (red torpedos are great)
green onions
red wine vinegar
olive oil
fresh sweet basil
grated parmesan or asiago chesse
salt and pepper
oregano flakes

directions:
slice tomatoes about 1/4" thick and arrange the slices on a serving platter.
salt and pepper slices to taste
detach the leaves of the basil and arrange on tomatoes
slice sweet onion very thin, in rings, and place on slices
drizzle olive oil all over, and splash some balsamic vinegar on top
sprinkle lightly with grated cheese and oregano
garnish with green onions

serve with french bread or breadsticks, and chilled wine.



````````
this is an ideal use for those summer tomatoes.

it is cool and refreshing.

and the fresh basil is deliciously intoxicating!

wake up and LIVE

Scientists: Get used to killer heat waves, blame global warming
- By SETH BORENSTEIN, AP Science Writer
Friday, July 28, 2006


(07-28) 17:13 PDT , (AP) --


In Fresno, the morgue is full of victims from a California heat wave. A combination of heat and power outages killed a dozen people in Missouri. And in parts of Europe, temperatures are hotter than in 2003 when a heat wave killed 35,000 people.


Get used to it.


_For the next week, much of the nation should expect more "extreme heat," the National Weather Service predicts.


_In the month of August, most of the United States will see "above normal temperatures," forecasters say.


_For the long-term future, the world will see more and worse killer heat waves because of global warming, scientists say.


The July burst of killer heat waves around the world can't be specifically blamed on global warming. And they aren't the worst ever — they still can't quite hold a melting candle to the scorching heat of America's 1930s Dust Bowl. But the trend is pointed in that direction, experts say.


Heat waves and global warming "are very strongly" connected, said Kevin Trenberth, climate analysis branch chief at the National Center for Atmospheric Research in Boulder, Colo. The immediate cause of the California heat wave — and other heat waves — is day-to-day weather, he said.


A persistent high pressure system in the upper atmosphere prevents cooler jetstream air, from making it into the West, said National Weather Service meteorologist Dennis Feltgen. "You can't tie global warming into one single event," he said.


But what global warming has done is make the nights warmer in general and the days drier, which help turn merely uncomfortably hot days into killer heat waves, Trenberth said.


Much of global warming science concentrates on average monthly and yearly temperatures, but recent studies in the past five years show that climate change is at its most dangerous during extreme events, such as high temperatures, droughts and flooding, he said.


"These (heat) events always occur. What global warming does is push it up another notch," Trenberth said.


And the computer models show that soon, we'll get many more — and hotter — heat waves that will leave the old Dust Bowl records of the 1930s in the dust, said Ken Kunkel, director of the Center for Atmospheric Sciences at the Illinois State Water Survey.


The way to really judge will be when scientists look back a decade from now, not at a single heat wave, but at the frequency and extremes of all of them, said Mike Wallace, a professor of atmospheric sciences at the University of Washington in Seattle. That's when scientists will likely see a statistically significant increase in heat waves and their severity, he said. In fact, he said, that can be seen a bit now.


In the past 25 years most of the world, has seen summer nights getting much warmer with far less evening heat relief, according to a study published earlier this year in the peer-reviewed Journal of Geophysical Research.


Another study this year by the Climate Research Unit in East Anglia, Great Britain, concluded that European summer heat waves "have increased in frequency at most stations since 1880" and will continue to increase with man-made global warming.


In the current U.S. wave, more than 150 people have died. Feltgen ticks off a few statistics from the hardest-hit state, California:


"One hundred twenty-six degrees in Death Valley last week; Sacramento had 11 days at or above 100 degrees, their old record was nine. We're seeing some impressive records out there to be sure and unfortunately this is taking a human toll."


George Luber, an epidemiologist who studies heat wave deaths for the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, says the current situation is on track to be "the most active one that I can recall" in terms of heat deaths.


A new analysis by Luber this week shows that between 1999 and 2003, the United States averaged nearly 900 heat-related deaths each year. This year, with 132 reported in central California alone, could be worse, he said.


"It's never been like this in my years here," Fresno County Coroner Loralee Cervantes said this week. "This is really tragic."


One way heat waves cause so much death is that people — especially the elderly staying in their homes — aren't able to get cool at night when temperatures remain high after sundown.


"The deaths are really related in urban areas to nighttime temperatures," said Stan Chagnon, a retired Illinois meteorology professor who did some of the earliest research on killer heat waves. "The mixture of moisture in the air (which other experts say acts as a blanket trapping heat) and high nighttime temperatures, a lot of people say, is really a killer."


Luber, the CDC doctor, says a body needs at least three hours of cooling — preferably by air conditioning — to survive excessive heat.


Cities are worse for heat deaths because they remain hotter at night from the "heat island effect," Chagnon said. And older northern cities — where many homes lack air conditioning — are worse off than Sunbelt cities where most people have cooling.


"Our society is becoming ever more vulnerable to climate due to growth, where we live," Chagnon said.


There is some good news in all this. Cities, such as St. Louis, New York and Philadelphia, have learned how to prevent heat deaths. And as heat waves worsen, the U.S. rate of heat deaths per population has not risen, because cities have created cooling centers and systems to check on the vulnerable elderly and poor, the CDC's Luber said.


"Everything with heat death can be prevented," Luber said. "Maybe we prevented a whole lot more deaths than we realized."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...go ahead, call me debbie downer. it's just that this is a topic that means a great deal, to me. it is my responsibility as a citizen of this planet to speak out.
believe me, i am well aware that i need to make changes in my own habits.
are you?

we humans really need to wake up, because this is real.
end of rant, for now.

what global warming?

Bodies pile up as California's record heat wave slowly tapers off

By OLIVIA MUNOZ, Associated Press Writer

Thursday, July 27, 2006


(07-27) 17:52 PDT Fresno, Calif. (AP) --


Coroners in the Central Valley were overwhelmed by bodies and aid workers went door-to-door checking on the elderly Thursday as the blistering temperatures brought about by an unprecedented 12-day heat wave finally began to edge lower.


Statewide, the number of suspected heat-related deaths climbed to 98, according to county coroners' offices.


In Fresno County's overstretched morgue, the walk-in freezer was stuffed with bodies, with some piled on top of others, said Coroner Loralee Cervantes. With limited air conditioning, employees worked in sweltering heat as the coroner's office investigated at least 22 possible heat-related deaths.


"It's never been like this in my years here," Cervantes said. "This is really tragic."


Stanislaus County was investigating whether triple-digit heat was responsible for 20 deaths. In Modesto, Salvation Army workers knocked on doors to check on elderly residents who regularly receive meals through its Meals on Wheels program.


Doug Lilly, who usually delivers meals to about 65 people each week, said he was making sure residents were keeping cool and didn't need extra medical attention.


"I'm just making sure they're alright, they're hydrated," Lilly said, carrying a frozen meal packet with chicken and potatoes and cartons of milk and juice.


Kern County was investigating eight possible heat-related deaths, including two Bakersfield brothers who were found dead in their beds in a home with no air conditioning Wednesday evening, according to Deputy Coroner Kelly Cowan.


Ronald L. Jones, 57, and Gerald G. Jones, 68, likely died from heat-related causes, Cowan said. A neighbor had seen them drinking coffee together on their front porch that morning.


In Sacramento County, where the coroner's office was investigating 11 possible heat-related fatalities, police officers and firefighters knocked on doors in neighborhoods without power or air conditioning, targeting one-room occupancy hotels, boarding homes and mobile home parks.


Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who earlier this week ordered state officials to open cooling centers where at-risk residents could escape the heat, said Thursday that 75 such sites were available at fairgrounds statewide.


Health officials also were contacting nursing homes to make sure they had evacuation plans in place in case their air conditioning systems failed, he said.


Speaking at an almond orchard in Merced, Schwarzenegger said emergency regulations aimed at protecting outdoor workers from the heat would become permanent. The rules declared last year ensure that workers have access to cold water, shade and rest breaks if they feel the onset of heat stroke.


"I didn't want to sit back and watch people suffer," Schwarzenegger said. "We're doing everything we can to help the state."


State Sen. Dean Florez, D-Shafter, called on Schwarzenegger to declare a state of emergency in the Central Valley to make more financial and personnel resources available.


"Record-breaking heat requires a record-breaking response," Flores said. "The conditions, staying this hot for this long, are simply too much for the most vulnerable residents."


Schwarzenegger said he had already taken "action" to help state residents cope with the record heat, pointing to the cooling centers and conservation measures to avoid blackouts.


"There's not much more we can do," he said. "I don't know what it means to declare a state of emergency when we're already doing everything."


Spokeswoman Margita Thompson said no counties had asked the state for an emergency declaration.


At least six Central Valley counties have already declared local states of emergency that allow farmers to bury livestock killed by the heat in landfills or on their own properties — disposal methods not normally allowed by state water laws.


Temperatures were cooling around the state Thursday, with a comfortable high of 67 in San Francisco and Sacramento dipping below 100 for the first time in 12 days.


But parts of the Central Valley saw only minor relief — Fresno still reached 105 and Bakersfield hit 107.


Temperatures in most parts of California were expected to drop below 100 by this weekend, said Kathy Hoxsie, a meteorologist at the National Weather Service.


"It's a little slower than we would like, but the heat is finally moving out," Hoxsie said. "The high pressure that played a big role in the higher temperatures and humidity is finally getting pushed off."


The number of consecutive days when temperatures surpassed 110 degrees was unprecedented for California, meteorologists said. Woodland Hills, which set a Los Angeles County record of 119 degrees Saturday, hit 102 degrees Thursday, its 22nd day of triple-digit heat.


Cooler weather and increased conservation helped ease the strain on the power grid.


No rolling blackouts or interruptions were expected Thursday unless other transmission lines or power plants also shut down, said Jim Detmers, operations manager at the Independent System Operator, which manages the state's power grid.


A wind-driven wildfire near the Oregon border was threatening the major power transmission lines between California and the Pacific Northwest, but grid operators said they can reroute electricity even if the lines go dead.


___

coincidentally, older daughter and i saw "an inconvenient truth" two weeks ago.

(remember: this whole "global warming thing" is just one more crazy conspiracy theory from us liberals, right?)

uh-huh, right.

political science

when i was a youngster, my father had this album/song. i always thought it was supposed to be humorous.

i never imagined that it would one day come true.

Political Science
by Randy Newman
No one likes us-I don't know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let's drop the big one and see what happens

We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful and they're hateful
They don't respect us-so let's surprise them
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them

Asia's crowded and Europe's too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada's too cold
And South America stole our name
Let's drop the big one
There'll be no one left to blame us

We'll save Australia
Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo
We'll build an All American amusement park there
They got surfin', too

Boom goes London and boom Paree
More room for you and more room for me
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town
Oh, how peaceful it will be
We'll set everybody free
You'll wear a Japanese kimono
And there'll be Italian shoes for me

They all hate us anyhow
So let's drop the big one now
Let's drop the big one now

stop war(s)

summer of 1993. son was eleven. older daughter almost six. and my baby girl was a year old. my world, in a hammock.

there is this sadness in me that is all-new and unfamiliar. i want my children to know peace, acceptance, and love. is that so wrong?

my heart aches for the children being killed and injured in the madness of the middle east. and for their mothers, who wanted only to love and protect them.

all in the name of... ?

son of daydreamer

in echo park.

daydreamer

tuolumne meadows, 1980.

today my little family is off to san francisco, yet again. this time it's to attend the memorial for my aunt who died in may. this will be something.... lots of people, emotions, and so on.

as if that weren't intense enough, the world's gone mad, and i am
increasingly afraid that the actions of a few are going to harm us all.

just breathe, right?

two cool cats

this is the son of my good friend. he was born 4 months after my older daughter. (they're 19)


this is the birthday boy. born fifty years ago. he was pretty much a boy when we met. in fact, we were just a bit older than our 19-year-olds are right now. we share a history that spans almost three decades.

"when the secrets all are told, and the petals all unfold..."

i'll see you on the...

fireworks have some pretty silly names.this one was lit-up at the 50th birthday party of my dear pal, just before the end of the evening. if you knew my friend, you would know why this was a fitting end to the night. he's a firecracker, this one.

there was great feasting at a favorite asian restaurant. dim sum, fresh crab, and moet champagne. 14 people at the dinner table. then, back to the birthday boy's residence, for home-made cheesecake and berry pie. and lastly, the dark side of the moon.

a fine birthday extravaganza for one of my favorite people.

all in my favorite city.

the big show

on saturday afternoon, we returned to laytonville. the youngest's two weeks at camp were done, and i travelled over the hill yet again. this time it was with my older daughter and my love. we knew it would be hot. holy shit, it was a scorcher over there. at least 105. we coastal dwellers aren't accustomed to that, but we did just fine. after a really tasty lunch, we watched our girl and her fellow campers put on a
whirlwind-of-a-show for the families to ooohhh and ahhhhh over.

a memorable afternoon, in countless ways. this camp is the best.


the mural for the "experimento" performance.


my girl, singing her heart out. chills, all around.



my girl again, rehearsing a tune with her friend.


the big finale, when all of the campers sing a few last songs together.


wavy gravy during a finale song. this was taken during "here comes the sun."

those seventies curtains

january of 1975. me at seventeen, with friend carla.

the curtains were in my brother's room. they were made for him by our grandma. i am guessing that she thought these were "cool." yikes.

between the curtains and my shag haircut, there is no denying what era this was.

too much

this pretty much describes it accurately, to me.

it's all too much...


Nation cringes as the worst president ever continues long, painful slog to the end
- By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, July 7, 2006


It is like some sort of virus. It is like some sort of weird and painful rash on your face that makes you embarrassed to walk out the door and so you sit there day after day, waiting for it to go away, slathering on ointment and Bactine and scotch. And yet still it lingers.

Some days the pain is so searing and hot you want to cut off your own head with a nail file. Other days it is numb and pain-free and seemingly OK, to the point where you think it might finally be all gone and you allow yourself a hint of a whisper of a positive feeling, right up until you look in the mirror, and scream.


George W. Bush is just like that.

Everyone I know has had enough. Everyone I know is just about done. There is this threshold of happy deadened disgust, this point where the body simply resigns itself to the pain, a point where the disease, the poison has seeped so deeply into the bones that you just have to laugh and shrug it all off and go for a drink. Or 10.

I was having cocktails recently with a group of people, among whom were two lifetime Republicans, each in his 60s, corporate businessmen, one admittedly slightly more moderate than the other (to the point where, after once hearing a senator read off a long list of Bush's hideous environmental atrocities, actually let his conscience lead his choice and ended up voting for Kerry) but nevertheless both devoted members of the party.

Bush came up, as a topic, as a cancer, as a fetid miasma in the air. They were both shaking their heads. They were sighing heavily. They were both, in a word, disgusted. The more staunchly conservative of the two even went so far as to say he was so embarrassed and humiliated by this president, by this administration, so appalled at all the war atrocities and the wiretapping and the misuse of law, the fiscal irresponsibility and the abuse of the lower classes and the outright arrogance, that if the Dems could somehow produce a decent moderate candidate with a brain, he'd have zero problem switching allegiances and voting for him. Or her.

It may not sound like much. It may not seem like a major shift. But it is, in its way, sort of massive. For thoughtful Repubs with a conscience (they actually exist, I have seen them), there is little left to defend. There is little this administration has done among all categories of ostensible GOP values that they can look to with any sort of pride. Medicare? Shrinking the budget? Smaller government? Less intervention in our lives? Reduced spending? Increased respect in the international community? Responsible international citizen? Ha. Name your topic, BushCo has failed. Spectacularly. Intentionally.

Indeed, countless Dems were disappointed with Clinton's behavior during Monicagate. Many were ashamed that he would cheapen the office so badly by such trashy moral behavior.

But that was just a cheap little affair (our allies never understood all the fuss anyway). This was never the attitude toward Clinton's politics, his capacity to understand complex issues, his astounding political savvy. No one anywhere doubted he made the country richer, more environmentally conscious, more stable, more respected and admired. Clinton was globally adored not only for his charisma but for his contributions to world peace. Plus he could actually point to Afghanistan on a map.

What a difference a handful of years makes. Now, overseas, we are a joke. A threat. A toxin. We are considered reckless and arrogant and ignorant, dangerous not just to the rest of the world but to the overall health of the planet. No one anywhere understands how a man like Bush can be the leader of the Free World, stolen election or no.

Sure, smarter Europeans know full well that the United States is deeply divided between the pseudo-religious right-wing warmongers who control a tiny cadre of the powerful elite, and, well, everyone else. It does not matter. America's reputation as a powerful and respected diplomatic peacekeeper, as the nation that sets the standards for human rights and economic freedom and choice, is hobbled. Crippled. Is very nearly dead. How quickly can we recover? How much damage has been done? History will tell, and it will be ugly indeed.

Interesting feature interview with Al Gore in Rolling Stone recently. Gore mentions two amazing things: one is the discussion he's had with generals regarding Iraq, with one coming right out and admitting that Bush's disastrous Iraq war will go down as the worst invasion in American history, our greatest misstep, our most costly and debilitating mistake. Among top brass in the know, of this there is little question.

The other was about the discussions Gore's had with various major corporate CEOs about Gore's pet issue, global warming, and how obvious it is that 15 minutes after BushCo leaves office, we will have a radically new global warming policy. In other words, Bush won't do a thing about it in the next two years, despite how obvious it shall become that we are in crisis, simply because he can't risk finally coming out and admitting yet another enormous policy disaster. Not to mention how nearly six years of enviro policy abuse, from air quality to water to forestry to pollution deregulation on all his industrial pals, can't be undone with a smirk and a prayer.

Which is just another way of saying we are currently stuck. We are swirling around the bottom of the drain, clinging on to anything that might hold us from going under for just a little while longer. We have to let the neocon disease run its course, and just pray that at the end of it all the scarring and the pain and damage will not be so permanent, and so hideous, that we can't be seen in public for a decade.

This is where it stands: Bush can in no way risk alienating the ultra-right-wing bonk-job contingent that put him in office (they are, considering Bush's 32-percent approval rating, the only ones left even remotely supporting him -- even though, according to many estimates, they're starting to abandon him, too), and hence all policy and all agenda items from here on out will be even more vicious and desperate in an attempt to shore up the base. Hence trying to mutilate the Constitution to ban gay marriage. Hence attacking the New York Times and claiming newspapers are endangering American lives.

In other words, Bush's latest nasty, Rove-designed salvos and upcoming attacks to save a sliver of power and pride and sneering GOP control are just the beginning.

However -- praise Jesus and pass the scotch -- they are the beginning of the end

on pins and needles

another one from the de young, looking down from the top floor.

pretend it's sunday

an early offering for photo sunday. today we are off to san francisco, to celebrate my dear-friend-of-27-year's 50th birthday.

the photo was taken in june of 1992, in santa cruz. my kids were 10 years, 5 years, and 2 months. this was the closest my baby girl got to a smile that day. she did not exactly enjoy her visit to the photographer, but big brother was great at keeping her happy.

when i say that the time went by in the wink of an eye, i am not pulling your leg.

time out of mind

last night we got some cool news. in september, the man and i will fly away to the big island. for nine beautiful days. all by ourselves. the man's parents live there, on the hilo side.

needless to say, we are stoked, dude.

when you're smiling

another one from the de young museum, taken last month. this piece had another (smaller) face on the side i am looking into. i liked it a lot.

toward the fun

we took the youngest to camp yesterday, for her two week stay. it is the fifth and final year there for her, as a camper. after this year, she can work as a teen counselor. this place is the ultimate in fun, and i guess that's why wavy started an adult camp a few years back!

exit strategy?

on the bay... 1971

my brother and i aboard the serenade. my father is at the tiller.
he still is, as a matter of fact.

wake up to find out

this was our view on thursday evening. we enjoyed a celebratory meal after younger daughter's graduation. the weather was just right.


the family.

the time of your life

june 15, 2006

it's friday again

baby of mine

spring of 1997. she was in preschool. tonight my young one bids farewell to the middle school years. my mind is reeling, as time streaks on by. it is an odd little pain, this stinging in my heart. i am more familiar with it now, since my two older children graduated from middle school, then high school. it is a mixture of overwhelming pride and outright blissfulness, combined with the undeniable truth...
that it all leads to letting go, a little more with each year. that is the objective, after all. to raise them to want to fly off, and do great things. right?
and yet, my heart aches, in-between swelling with happiness.


i have today off, and will pick her up from school at noon. we will then run a few errands, and come home and pamper/prepare her.
the ceremony begins at 4:30. after that, we will have dinner in town, at her favorite cafe. "we" will include the graduate's father, my older daughter, and my true love. son is busy with life and survival in san francisco, so he won't be able to come up.

(graduation has certainly become a much bigger deal in our society, since i finished "junior high" in 1972.)

anyway, dinner includes the ex. it's my little girl's night, and we all want her to be happy. even if that means looking my not-so-good past square in the face for several hours.

pictures of the graduate to follow.

weekend images

my aiko bro was here for a few days. he took these last weekend, with his awesome camera.
we shared lots of laughter, great meals, gardening, sightseeing...stuff like that. he also helped me get the mystery box ready to mail off on it's next adventure. the mystery box story is a post unto itself. i will attempt to explain this and more soon.

"i'm so happy i can't stop crying...."

lombard and leavenworth

in 1964, at the foot of the crookedest street in the world, my old neighborhood. i am with my little brother and best buddy.

friday cat blogging

sunny had a productive day yesterday.

"if it's worth playing...

it's worth playing LOUD." mickey hart
(do click on this one, to see just how massive the mother was!)

this is the wall of sound, circa 1974.
it consisted of:

586 jbl speakers
54 electrovoice tweeters
48 macintosh 2300 amps (28,800 watts)


good times.

strange

brent mydland overdosed and died on 9/20/90.
(he was the keyboardist for the grateful dead prior to vince welnick.)
vince welnick, dead of an apparent suicide on 06/02/06.

i am not a believer in numerology, or anything close to it.
but it is strange that when you turn the two above dates upside down...
they are the same.

hey, i'm easily amused.

picture sunday afternoon

december 1982, san francisco. different times. my sweet aunt is in the near-center.
(holding a glass) i like it because she looks radiant and happy.

the curse of the keyboard player

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Vince Welnick, who took over as the Grateful Dead's keyboard player in 1990 after a succession of predecessors met untimely deaths, has died at the age of 55, according to an announcement on his Web site.

"Vince passed from this earth on June 2, 2006 ... after a decade of battling tragedy while creating beauty and light around him," the announcement said. It did not give a cause of death.

The San Jose Mercury News said he died in a hospital on Friday after being taken from his home in Forestville, California, and it quoted a person at his home as saying "it looks like he took his own life."

Welnick had previously spoken of a deep depression after Jerry Garcia, founding guitarist of the iconic psychedelic rock band, died in 1995 and the group disbanded.

Welnick is the fourth keyboard player for the band to have died, and his Web site referred to the position as a "particularly doomed spot."

He once told an interviewer, "A lot of people ask about that and my stock answer is that I am aware of the fact that you could die doing this job, but I was somewhat dying of boredom before the job came up so I thought I'd take my chances."

Originally a member of the 1970s rock band "The Tubes," Welnick joined the Grateful Dead after longest-serving keyboard player Brent Mydland died in 1990 of a drug overdose.

Previously, pianist Keith Godchaux died in a car accident in 1980, a year after he left the band, and founding vocalist and keyboard player Ron "Pigpen" McKernan died in 1973 of a gastrointestinal hemorrhage.

After the Grateful Dead broke up and ended its 30-year run as one of America's biggest touring acts, Welnick formed his own group, Missing Man Formation. He also toured with other groups including Grateful Dead drummer Mickey Hart's band.

He did not take part in various reunions of the Dead's other surviving members.

"His service to and love for the Grateful Dead were heartfelt and essential. He had a loving soul and a joy in music that we were lucky to share," the band said in a statement.

oh, baba

Baba Ghannouj (Eggplant Dip)


1 eggplant (about 1 lb)
1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped
1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
1 tbsp flax oil
2 or 3 cloves garlic, chopped


Prick eggplant with fork, place eggplant on double thickness paper towel in microwave. Cook uncovered at 100% power for 12 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool.

When eggplant is cool enough to handle, cut in half lengthwise and scoop out flesh from the skin. Place flesh in a food processor. Add all other ingredients (you might want to start with half of the lemon and oil). Process until smooth.

Transfer to bowl, cover and chill in fridge before serving. Serve with raw veggies or pita bread.

a rare gem

Nancy Died Wednesday, May 24, 2006, in San Francisco of complications from ALS. Born Dec. 12, 1939, in Miami, FL. Nancy was a graduate of Miami Edison High School and the University of Florida where she earned a degree in French and Spanish. Nancy moved to San Francisco in 1962, and returned to school to obtain a teaching credential and then again for a masters in ESL/Linguistics. A woman of great wit and curiosity, she earned affection and respect from students and colleagues alike with her warm, skillful, and wry manner. Her last teaching position was with the Academy of Art University. Had she not contracted ALS, she would be in the classroom today. Nancy is survived by her husband of 40 years, Michael, two sons; Jason in San Francisco and Nathanael in Los Angeles; a sister in Durham, NC; and stepmother in Miami, FL. A Gathering to remember Nancy is planned in San Francisco at a later date.

Published in the San Francisco Chronicle on 6/1/2006.


i wanted to share this. i have eliminated full names, for the sake of privacy.