Monday, March 16, 2015

And Know They Love You...

  My youngest child (She is 22) has been with us since the end of last September. We have strengthened the mother/child bond during this time and I feel that our relationship has grown in so many ways. Things got pretty weird between us during her high school years, so this has been a crucial step in our relationship. She returns to Northern California, a job, and a place of her very own in a little over a week. It will be hard saying goodbye, but the truth is that she misses her best friend (Since the 5th grade in Mendocino) and having more of a social life. Life out here in the sticks is not always easy or convenient, but she really has managed it quite well. She found a job early-on, no easy task for newbies here. And she has made friends and had some fun times and learned a lot about life and herself, I think. This place tends to do that. We will send her off stronger and wiser and I know that her time in Hawaii will stay with her wherever she goes. And it's always her home, whenever she wants it to be. She is very into going to school now, after a few years in the thankless service industry. I think that teaching intrigues her.

Her older sister was here for 2 weeks last month, and brought along her boyfriend, whom we all adore. I happened to introduce them during my last visit to the mainland in 2013. This young man has a connection to the islands too, since his parents were both raised on Oahu. The happy couple plans to make their move to the Big Island in no more than 2 years. The mere thought of it makes my heart sing. This daughter will soon  be moving away from San Francisco, where she has resided for the last 7 years, to a beautiful locale where I lived with her father in the early days of our relationship. (White House Canyon) That's where her guy lives and it will be good practice for life here as it is remote, with dirt roads, but just an hour from the city of Santa Cruz. San Francisco has completely lost it's appeal for both son and my daughter. It was inevitable.

My eldest, (my son) has had a particularly harsh year. He is now emerging from an emotional dark cloud, after a particularly tragic breakup. It's been painful to watch, but he is strong and wise beyond his years. He stayed with us for a total of 6 weeks last summer and found some comfort and closure here before returning to his life in "Babylon." Some really positive change has at last been occurring in him. He has moved forward emotionally and I feel like I can exhale again. There is no greater suffering than watching your children suffer the indignities of life. Sadly, they must.

Laupahoehoe Point

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Ten Things

1. I'm still very much alive and well.
2. This blog is not abandoned, nor will it be. Ten years this year, same url, same title. But a very different woman than I was a decade ago.
3. I've grown extremely comfortable with being more of an observer than a participant. In real life and in cyberspace.
4. Moving to the Big Island is the smartest thing I've done. So far.
5. The world at large is one supreme joke, and my opinions and wrist-wringing won't change a thing.
6. Most of my contemporaries during my years as a young adult turned out to be racists. Or exceedingly closed-minded at the very least. This realization continues to unnerve me.
7. My children are still the one thing in my life that I am proud about. Otherwise, pride seems more burdensome than anything else.
8. Groups of women scare me, still. Women are mean-something else I never realized for most of my years. Always thought men were the worst that way, but cruel females are just more covert about it.
9. We planted turmeric in our lower field last week and are excited about growing more and more stuff.
10. Love is the answer.

Photo of Sunnyhill in Mendocino. Otherwise known as the Cozy Shack and where I lived when I began blogging in May of 2005.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Happy Days

My son is here. I am thrilled to have one of my tribe with us. You have no idea...

Monday, June 16, 2014

Two Steps Back

Well, I caved and returned to Facebook.  Lots going on with my children that I was out of the loop on. Why? Because Facebook has replaced other forms of communication. I learned that solidly in my year and a half hiatus from it. People just don't take the time to stay in touch any other way anymore. So much easier to  "see" what people have been up to, and one can be completely covert and voyeuristic in doing so. No need to say or do anything-just peek right into someone's life. Do I sound sarcastic? I hope so. 

Although it's a relief to be more closely connected to a couple of my children who eschew old school communication, I regret the fact that I am back in the muck and mire and general nonsense that's involved. My friends list is trimmed down, and I do so love many of them. But the fact remains- a growing number of people don't care about maintaining contact unless it's through Facebook. Emailing is a thing of the past for many, and forget about phone calls. Texts suit most people just fine. We are becoming watchers, not participants. I find it all a bit creepy, but then I am of another era. I still write cards, and love handwritten communication. I'm no Luddite, either. I've been communicating via computer since the early 90's, and my last job on the mainland was at an ISP.


My cave-in occurred about a week ago. Many days had passed since I'd had an update from my eldest child, my son. His life has been a lot like a meat grinder lately, and I get concerned, especially being across the sea. All I had to do was get back onto Facebook, and voila-conversation was immediately possible. This is a must, since we've been planning his escape from the Bay Area for a while. After 7 years of working and living there, he is about to jump ship. 7 years have brought a lot of change to that region, and most of it is negative. Especially if you're not a real estate magnate, start-up entrepreneur, or vapid techie. It's all over for the regular folks like me, who just happened to be born and raised there. Older daughter wants out as well, though not to Hawaii, yet. Probably to Santa Cruz county initially. But I digress... My son will be here soon. We both are thrilled and look forward to helping him decompress, wind down, regroup and rethink his life. We truly welcome the chance to have this time with him. He needs us, even though he is 32 years old. So what? He is my own flesh and blood until I breathe my last breath. Nobody is done growing and learning at 32, no matter what they say. Hopefully, one is growing and learning all of their lives. They should be! 

This opportunity for my son would never, ever have been an option with my own parents. Not when I wanted to get away from the Tahoe party life and go to college, or when I had my face pummeled by someone who claimed to love me, never did my family open their arms or their home to the younger me. Sometimes our children need a little emotional support in this life, and I haven't lost sight of that.

Do you ever wonder why some people had children in the first place? I do. I mean, I know why it happens... But why bother, if all you do is make them feel like they are burdensome disappointments throughout? My kids are this life's one true gift, and the primary reason I climb out of bed every day. They will never be made to feel otherwise, as I was.

I'll even put up with Facebook, if it means staying connected to my beloved family.